“Criteria and values are a special category of beliefs. They are beliefs you hold about why something is important or worthwhile. They are very powerful and individualized.”
From Beliefs: Pathways to Health & Well-Being
by Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom and Suzi Smith
Recognizing the importance of criteria is critical when you want to help increase someone’s motivation or make choices that will ultimately lead to a more satisfying life. When we fail to satisfy our criteria, it becomes difficult to get motivated or to stay motivated.
One way you can discover how criteria works is to ask yourself, “What do you want in a job?” Your answer will include words like “opportunities,” “people I really enjoy,” “compensation,” etc. These words are the doorways to your criteria. If these criteria aren’t largely satisfied by your current position, you’ll be unhappy in your work.
Apply a similar question to a relationship or potential relationship in order to determine your criteria for that. Your satisfaction with the relationship will be high or low based upon whether or not your criteria are being met.
If you were working with someone to improve their job satisfaction, you would want to elicit their criteria and then describe their job so that the criteria are largely met. Then see if their job can be structured in a way that fits the description and meets their criteria.
You can help people design or implement the criteria for their relationships in a similar manner—describing the relationship in a way that meets their criteria and then discussing changes to the relationship that might lead to more criteria being met.
It is important to set aside time for criteria such as “communication” or “opportunities to learn” to improve relationships and jobs. Being able to satisfy such criteria will increase overall satisfaction and motivation.
Additionally, it is important to remember that each of us arranges our criteria hierarchically. If someone tells you that “having fun” and “earning a living” are both important, you want to determine which of the two criteria is first. Dig around for specifics, such as dollars and cents.
In this case you might say, “I understand that you want to make sure you’re making a living and having fun while doing it.” Then ask the following serious of questions.
“How much money do you consider enough to constitute earning a living?”
“Could you be happy if you had to earn less than that in order to have fun?”
“Would you rather have more fun and a little less money or a little more money and a little less fun?”
In the last scenario, you are introducing a new variable—one of degree. The degree, or measurable extent of difference, can affect the preferred criteria. In this case the degree to which one job option is more fun versus the amount of increased income for another might influence the person’s choice.
Overall, you need to help clients determine which criteria are most important to them and what they can do to make sure their criteria are met. You also have to acknowledge their criteria in order of importance, or it will not resonate with them.
In many cases, you will want to use a client’s exact words… and emphasis. People emphasize words for a reason, and if you repeat things back to them in their words, they will be more likely to feel that you “get” them. In fact, doing so increases the likelihood that you really will understand them.
Understanding client’s criteria will go a long way towards helping them increase their motivation and make more satisfying choices.
Ask one of your clients, “What do you want in a job (or relationship, etc.)?” Then come back here and share how this information created the framework to motivate your client.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
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Recently in doing work with coaches who are deciding where they want to be in their business or in their earnings, I have come across similar struggles they are having precisely because they are pushing themselves.
When you as a coach move to higher levels of success, you often run into questions and challenges that force you to consider what is really important to you about your work.
Sometimes these questions and inner struggles occur because coaches aren’t certain they want to continue modeling themselves after the successful mentors they have been following up to this point. They wonder if
they should do things differently.
In order to advance to another level and be congruent, coaches must determine what’s right for them. Until you resolve these issues, you cannot reach and maintain a higher level of success.
| It’s not about your mentors or role models being right or wrong—it’s about what’s right for you. |
The sticky part of this process is determining which of the following reasons is the cause of your dilemma: a limiting belief about higher-level success or a conflict of values—a concern about doing something that’s not in harmony with who you are. Either way, you must be willing to take on the struggle in order to move beyond it.
Today, I’m going to focus on the latter issue: honoring your own values.
There are a myriad of extremely successful, high-level coaches in our field with an equally wide-ranging number of approaches. Some can be controversial. Some may have enviable results but use techniques you’d rather
not employ. Some you may have emulated until just recently, but now you question whether their methods are right for you.
Keep in mind that these can be matters of perception. They may involve situations that are not strictly black and white. What some successful coaches may consider to be appropriate and necessary business decisions might also—thought perfectly legal—go against your values.
Whether your concerns are related to rates, style, presentation, content, value or something else entirely, you need to address them and determine what works for you. Integrity is self-defined. Remember, it’s not about your mentors or role models being right or wrong—it’s about what’s right for you.
Again, determine if your challenge is about congruence and values or about beliefs and stepping up in a different way. For some it may be both. Once you identify what is bothering you, start to address the issues one at a time.
The learning point comes when you step up or attempt to act at a higher level, for there can be a reaction. You may experience a “parts split” that will show up as an internal struggle such as, “Part of me wants this, and another part of me wants that.” Treat this as an important opportunity to discover what is really important to you.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do; just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
