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Canadian scenery: the first two photos are from Vancouver, one of
the most beautiful cities in North America, and the last was taken
on the spectacular road to Whistler.
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This is the fifth installment of a series about my summer road trip.
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What I wanted to do on my trip was to follow my intuition or my muse. I sometimes just took a road because it interested me. I would also stop to take pictures, especially of beautiful vistas or wildlife that became more and more common as I got farther north.
After leaving Seattle I drove east to visit wine country along the Columbia River. This land is abundant with vineyards, orchards and small, well-kept towns full of friendly inhabitants. I took advantage of the rich bounty by tasting wine and cider and sampling local cuisine. This kind of traveling is best done slowly to savor the food and drink and scenery. I often read Sunset Magazine, and this trip is one I remembered reading about.
By mid-afternoon I had crossed into Canada, which was an interesting experience. When the border agent noticed I was from Arizona, she asked several times if I had a gun in my car. I didn’t and said so. I did mention that I had a 22 at home and was then questioned about where I kept it. When I asked why there were so many questions, she paused and said, “Of course, most Americans have guns. Sometimes they forget they have them in their cars, and questioning helps them remember.” So, the Wild West still lives, or all “real Americans” have guns.
Ah, Vancouver. It’s one of the most beautiful cities in North America—until you encounter its traffic or try to buy or rent a house or condo. When you visit Vancouver’s amazing, pristine beaches and eat its great food, you discover a true international city. Being there in the summer was also a treat because of the long days. It’s a great place to kick back and enjoy.
Continuing the trend of reuniting with people from my childhood in Peru, I stayed with Beverly Hanna—a former Peruvian neighbor—and her husband. They took me out to experience eating on the bay, where water taxis transport people from one waterfront establishment to another. Before I left, Beverly took me to a farmers market and told me to buy the local strawberries. Wow! What a taste treat. Southern British Columbia produces some incredible produce and seafood served up in a beautiful environment.
The next day I hit the road, headed for Whistler, the site of a recent winter Olympics. This drive has to be one of the world’s most scenic, with mountains, lakes and rushing rivers around every corner. Whistler is a scenic mountain town and an ideal site for winter sports. I had fun walking around and enjoying the vibes of the town. The only planning I needed was to watch my gas, because once I drove farther north, towns became few and far between. I also had to convert gallons into liters of gas—yes, a liter, like a liter bottle of wine. When I did the figuring, I realized how expensive gas is in Canada, so paying by the liter seemed to make it easier. The other fun calculation was Canadian versus American dollars. The difference was in my favor: 100 American dollars got me about 125 Canadian dollars.
Going on this summer’s trip is one of the ways I followed my heart this year. Are you following your heart right now? Have you made specific plans to follow your heart next year?
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I made a vow to myself at the beginning of this year to follow my heart no matter where it takes me. I set an intent to say yes to my heart’s desires, determining that when opportunities arise, rather than question, I will do. This has meant saying yes to my heart. Over the course of the year, those intuitions have proven to be “right” and in service to others.
Following my intuition typically results in a win for me and for someone else. Following my heart at the HCI event meant to intuitively go wherever I felt pulled. I found myself with the right people at the right time saying just what I was meant to say or do. I had conversations with new people, remained open to whatever might happen and experienced several serendipitous occurrences as a result of that approach, making new friends and clients along the way.
This approach even carried over into my personal life, facilitating positive experiences in settings that have often been challenging. Following my heart has led to heart-opening experiences as well as fun and wild adventures. When I follow my heart, I am more passionate, more present and available to myself and to others. It has also meant having difficult, scary talks with loved ones, friends and clients.
This is one goal or commitment that I stay with. From the time that I had my heart attack, or my heart “awakening,” I have embraced this way of living in a heartfelt way, no pun intended.
What happens when you follow your heart?
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This winery is on the Columbia River, with Mount Hood in the background.
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This is the third installment of a series about my summer road trip. The others were posted on August 23 and September 6.
Traveling through Oregon this summer provided several opportunities to connect with a variety of people. After a wonderful time in McMinnville, I drove to Portland, hoping to see some of my clients or friends from coaching. There I found Lara Adler, whom I have known for many years. She was one of Carey Peters’ and Stacey Morgenstern’s “Spotlight Sisters” who migrated to the west coast and settled in the Portland area, where she has established herself as an expert in environmental toxins. As we caught up with other friends over wonderful Japanese food, we reflected on how long we’ve been doing some form of coaching to help make a difference in peoples lives.
While in Portland I also went to the famous Powell’s City of Books, a landmark, multi-level source for new and used books that also houses a café. I could spend hours there, and often have. Of course, if you are into food, beer and wine, Portland is a “go-to” destination. During lunch at Rogue Brewery, I met a nice young woman who wants to make a difference through learning more about how to save endangered species. I also spoke with a bartender who loves fly-fishing. Almost all people have a passion and a dream. Part of what I committed to on this journey was asking people about their dreams, which can lead to fascinating conversations and inspirations.
The next day’s drive led to Seattle, where I let myself wander the city until catching up with Jeffrey Stewart, a wonderful coach I first met while mentoring with Robert Dilts. Jeffrey works at Microsoft, where he really gets a chance to utilize his NLP and coaching skills. I had a great time with him and his family. Jeffrey and I love to discuss the evolution of coaching, especially since we have both worked with Robert, who has been very instrumental in influencing the direction and scope of coaching and leadership.
Upon leaving Seattle I decided to drive along the Columbia River and explore some of the vineyards and orchards this area is famous for. I have been reading The Change, a SciFi series that takes place in this area, so I was able to see what I’ve been reading about. Traveling this way for me is peaceful and serendipitous.
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As you may already know, this summer’s trip is one of many dreams I have successfully realized. Have you identified the specific steps necessary to make one of your dreams happen? Are you working on at least one of them every day?
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If you’ve read my last couple of newsletters, you know I plan to scale back my coaching and training opportunities over the next few years and focus on mentoring instead. What does that mean for a coach?
The definition of mentoring is to advise or train someone, especially a younger colleague. It comes from Mentor, the name of the man who advises young Telemachus in Homer’s Odyssey.
Mentoring styles and expectations vary from person to person and industry to industry. In the corporate world, employers often facilitate mentoring programs as a means of nurturing up-and-coming leaders. In academia, mentoring is encouraged to assist younger staff with teaching, scholarship, service and leadership skills. Whatever the profession, the overall goal of mentoring is usually the long-term success of the “mentee.”
In the coaching world choosing a mentor usually means that you’ve decided to emulate someone informally or you’ve paid for formal one-on-one mentoring. Robert Dilts is someone I admired and emulated for years, so I considered him to be an informal mentor. Eventually, I decided to establish a formal, paid mentoring relationship with him.
Whether the connection is by family, friend or business, a mentor is someone who has stepped forward and assumed the task of educating or guiding a younger or less experienced person. As a mentor you see in someone something worth sponsoring and supporting. Mentoring requires that you know and like someone well enough that you want to support a particular type of growth.
I believe that true mentoring is a calling, and it exists because of a desire to instruct or teach. Because information and attitudes are conveyed, it requires that there be a relationship in which the mentee is open to learning and discovery. As a mentor, not only are you imparting knowledge, but you also have a close enough relationship that you can identify values and beliefs that will make learning possible. It requires more in-depth sharing than teaching.
Being successfully mentored requires you to recognize a level of learning or expertise that will be helpful for your mission and purpose. Your mentor should be someone who can help you attain something he or she has, but you don’t. When you recognize that someone has a philosophy or worldview you want to understand on a deeper level, it might be appropriate to seek a mentoring relationship with them. Mentoring involves a conscious decision to learn from someone and to emulate what they’re doing.
Even though I have not yet initiated a formal mentoring program, I have been consciously mentoring others for a long time, especially coaches. You are in a position to do the same. Know that there are others who need your support.
If you’d like to read more about this, I highly recommend From Coach to Awakener by Robert Dilts.
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Last night I watched the televised appeal for support for victims of Harvey and Irma. I was touched by many of the stories and responses from ordinary people who tapped into deep reservoirs of compassion and empathy. I had to pledge a donation. How could I not?
One of my mentors, Robert Dilts, wrote Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being, a book that was inspired by the healing journey of his mother. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and given six months to live. Robert worked with her using all the techniques and skills he knew, and she achieved remission, which Robert understood as RE-mission, a purpose greater than herself. Dreams often have this component: they are tied to a larger purpose.
So, when a pro football player described an idea to help his Houston neighbors, his message resonated way beyond his imagined goal. Meaningful dreams have a way of doing that.
Even with support coming in, it’s clear that there will be a multitude of people who will need to draw on faith and resilience. Because they lost so much and are starting over, they may also have the rare opportunity to realize dreams.
When it’s darkest we know the dawn is near. Some of our greatest coaching opportunities come at crisis points. It is when despair is present that we often forget we are resourceful. One of our most important tasks is to remind people that they are resourceful and resilient. It also helps that we believe that ourselves. When you can hold that belief, it makes it easier for others to access that powerful state.
As you consider the aftermath of these storms, think about the resiliency and resourcefulness of your clients. What you can do to help them recognize their strengths and get through their crises?
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What are the traits of a leader?
I often work with people who think of themselves as leaders or influencers of their company or tribe. If you talk about being a good or not-so-great leader, you’re usually making a comparison to someone else. People almost always have an image of someone who represents their idea of a good leader.
If you think of yourself as a leader, here’s what I’d like you to do:
- Take a moment to consider what—and who—you think about when you say that you want to be a leader. Who do you think of that represents that?
- Then go a step further and ask yourself this: If I were to be a leader, who would I be modeling myself after?
In times of war, people often think of a leader as a general or military figure, but more often today we think about business or political leaders. In a recent Facebook post I shared that I was curious about how people thought of leaders based upon perceived characteristics of good leaders. Most of those who responded to my post mentioned many of the traits often linked to leadership.
There’s been a lot of research on leadership traits. Below are the commonly recognized skills you need to have or develop in order to lead and encourage those who follow you.
Good leaders are able to…
- Listen to others and absorb their message.
- Recognize and develop skills and abilities in others, bringing out their best.
- Inspire trust in others.
- Do the right thing.
- Walk their talk.
- Accurately assess themselves and their own capabilities.
- Challenge the status quo.
- Seek out and utilize feedback.
- Give feedback in a direct but caring way.
- Tolerate differing viewpoints.
- Demonstrate behavioral flexibility.
- Think systemically.
- Think for the long term.
Taking it a step further, a visionary leader is one who can do all of this and articulate a vision that inspires their followers. (According to Burt Nanus in Visionary Leadership, a vision is a realistic, credible, attractive future for your organization.)
Do you possess all of these skills?
If not, are you committed to developing the ones you lack?
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
One of the earliest proponents of mastermind groups was Napoleon Hill. In his book Think and Grow Rich he encouraged the use of a “mastermind alliance.” He recommended this not only for the support that can be garnered from like-minded individuals who agree to assist and encourage each other’s growth and development, but also from the idea that when three or more minds come together, the effect is synergistic.
Most of the successful people I have interacted with or read about strongly recommend joining a mastermind group. You can pay to join mastermind groups organized by other people, or you can initiate one of your own. The key is to connect with fellow entrepreneurs or others involved in creative ventures who understand the importance of encouraging each other and holding one another accountable.
Napoleon Hill’s book has been around for decades, and current research still supports the idea that joining with others and setting an intent to achieve specified goals significantly increases the likelihood that one will be successful in achieving those goals.
I’m a really strong believer in masterminds. I have been in several of them myself and can honestly say that the results vary from group to group. So what makes the difference? Here’s what I think matters:
- Most important is your own willingness. What I mean by willingness is your commitment to show up and be fully present. This is so vital that I recommend only participating in groups where others share the same commitment.
- It is also important to be clear about what you want from being in a mastermind group.
- You should also gather or join achievement-oriented people who really want to make a difference in their lives or who want to make a difference in the world.
- I also think it’s helpful to stay with the same group of people over time. I have been in big coaching programs that had 30 or more people in a mastermind. My experience was that these larger groups were less effective. I received some good suggestions and useful insights but because of the size did not feel the connection and caring that comes from smaller groups.
I’m currently in a mastermind program that is the best I have ever been in. Called the Successful Genius Mastermind Group, it’s facilitated by Robert Dilts, Mitchell Stevko and his wife, Dr. Olga Stevko. I think of Robert as one of my mentors; he has been a true inspiration for me. Mitch has been a venture capitalist and investment banker, and Olga is a Russian émigré and MD who is a pioneer in utilizing NLP and hypnotic processes in health and healing. The three of them have crafted a marvelous program that has attracted some incredible entrepreneurs, healers, coaches and authors.
Through this program Robert has taught and demonstrated many processes that he’s elicited from past and present geniuses. He is now instructing us in the strategies of genius. This foundation is what makes this particular mastermind group so powerful. The program is crafted to include in-person retreats and interactive webinars. It is also broken into small mastermind groups of three people who meet by phone. We have created a kind of magic up to this point—a magic that I think will continue.
So should you be in a mastermind group?
If you want to move forward rapidly and if you enjoy the support and accountability that come naturally with good mastermind groups, the answer is “Yes!”
Should you form your own, or should you join a pre-existing mastermind?
Either will work, and I think it depends on what you want. Many coaches offer mastermind groups, so search for one that will work best for you. I suggest you speak with somebody who’s been through one of the programs first because, frankly, some of them are not very good. Look for a high level of commitment, and if you’re paying a lot of money, make sure that there’s good support and guidance from the program leader. If available, I recommend one with a combination of in-person and webinar or phone work. I also advise joining a program that attracts high-performing and committed people.
If you choose to do so, you can create your own mastermind group. I was in a mastermind group of this sort for four years with five other members, and as a result my growth and business thrived. This was an in-person group, and leadership was shared. The group’s members attribute many successes to this mastermind, including three new books and a million-dollar coaching business.
Because of my experience I have decided to take the best of what I’ve learned and create a small but focused mastermind group. Look for more information about that in my next newsletter, and if you’re interested, email me at or call me at 520-237-4435. If you’re not yet subscribed to my free monthly newsletter, you can sign up here: Belief Change Alchemy.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Many of you in the coaching world have heard successful coaches talk about their mentor or mentors. The story these coaches tell is of how their mentors have helped them grow or evolve. They strongly suggest they would not be where they are today if it had not been for the input and support of their mentors. It’s hard to listen to a successful businessman without hearing a similar story.
What do mentors do? A mentor’s goal is “to establish, strengthen and align empowering values and beliefs, often through their own examples.”* Most of these successful coaches and business people chose mentors who modeled or represented what they wanted or desired.
It’s fairly common to hear such high-end coaches offer to be mentors themselves. Now what’s interesting is that not everyone who could be a mentor actually turns out to be good at mentoring. Why? Because to be good at mentoring, mentors need to have beliefs in place that support mentoring.
My thinking about mentors and mentoring has been influenced by Robert Dilts. Actually, I think of Robert as one of my mentors. Robert suggests that successful mentors operate from the following beliefs:
- When people want something and believe in it enough, they will find a way to make it happen.
- The most important thing I can do is to help people believe in themselves and value what they are doing.
- At their core, all people are positively intended. Having appropriate values and beliefs is the foundation for being able to express our positive intentions in the most effective and ecological manner.
- With advice and attention from me, this person will be able to naturally establish empowering beliefs and appropriate values.
- One of the best ways to advise others is by being an effective role model.
It is hard to separate leadership from mentoring. The leadership style associated with mentoring is that of inspirational leadership. Inspiring others involves motivating and encouraging them to do and be their best. Both mentoring and inspirational leadership emphasize values and empowering beliefs in future possibilities.
You can see that selecting a mentor or serving as a mentor requires you to understand your own beliefs and values. I think you can also see how important it is for potential mentors to be congruent with their own values and beliefs.
I hope this information will encourage you to be careful about selecting your mentors as well as developing your own mentoring abilities, for I believe that mentoring is one of the most important roles you can take on as a successful coach.
* From Coach to Awakener, Robert Dilts, Meta Publications, 2003 (pp. 133-134).
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I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
A really common problem that coaches talk to me about is their struggle with certain kinds of clients. Some coaches struggle with clients who fail to take action, some with clients who are ambivalent about taking action, and some with clients who want you to do it for them. You may even share some of these struggles.
What is common with all of these clients is that they prompt feelings in us. Usually those feelings are difficult to be with, such as irritation, helplessness, frustration or even anger. Though the specific emotions may differ, what is often consistent from coach to coach is the difficulty we experience with such feelings. So what’s the solution?
One potential and powerful solution is to learn how to be with our own uncomfortable feelings. For this, I would like to offer a model from the work of Robert Dilts and his wife Deborah. It’s called the “COACH” model.
Understanding the COACH Model
COACH is an acronym for Centered, Open-minded attitude and state, Aware (alert and awake), Connected and Holding space. Let’s look at each of these.
What happens when you are centered? When you talk about being centered, you’re usually referring to a state of solidness and confidence, an overall sense of being at peace with yourself. In all of the martial arts, being centered is a prerequisite to being able to do the practice. It is usually felt in the muscles and in the belly. Being centered allows you to operate from your power.
An open-minded attitude makes possible curiosity and understanding. It means you’re able to suspend your own idea of what is so, focusing instead on what is so for your client. Your questions are intended to gather information so you can understand what is going on in your client’s life. Curiosity goes hand-in-hand with this state.
Awareness is a state that goes hand-in-hand with open-mindedness. Awareness requires a focus both inward and outward. It is the ability to notice and track what is going on with you. It is also linked to the state of being centered because centering itself requires setting an intent and having an awareness of how to achieve it. Awareness makes possible connection.
Connection is required to do your best work with your clients. Connection makes possible deep understanding and profound change. Connection is what makes NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) possible, and what makes NLP great is high-level connecting. Without a relationship and without connecting, coaching will suffer and might even be ineffective.
Holding refers to holding a space in which change becomes possible or likely. How many times have you said or heard it said, “I just want to hold a space for them”? You may have also heard clients say, “She held space for me so I was able to look at painful truths.” So there is recognition of the importance of “holding space.”
So what does all of this actually mean? It means that when you learn how to provide the four prerequisites: centered, open, aware and connected, you can create the prime conditions to hold space for your clients, enabling them to explore and discover their own truths, which makes change possible.
This is just an overview of the COACH model. There are some specific exercises and processes that can help you master this more easily. Notice that as your ability to manage your own state increases, change becomes more possible for your clients.
Are you ready to learn to use the COACH model for the sake of your clients?
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I would love to hear how well the COACH Model works for you. Share your feedback and comments below.
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Gather 5 Essential Components of Information
That Turbocharge Change
High-end coaches achieve their success by developing their own interpretations of problems and specific strategies to solve these problems—complete with templates and checklists! This information has great value for many people. However, as we know, people are unique. The more you can apply your expertise and utilize the uniqueness of each client, the more your success will soar. If you do not not sufficiently engage your clients’ perceptions, they may feel judged or disappointed, which can lead to having them question your abilities or drop out.
One clue that you are not taking your clients’ uniqueness into account is if you find yourself “arguing” or trying to convince your clients what their real problems are.
For example, one of my clients had dropped out of a program after being told she was “sabotaging her success.” She felt inadequate and stuck. Through a careful questioning process, I discovered that she was attempting to satisfy two important values and, of course, remained in conflict. She had been totally unaware of her internal dilemma, and as I helped highlight and resolve the internal dilemma, she took action.
So how do we as coaches get a full picture of our clients’ experience, understanding and meaning in regards to their problems? We already know it’s important to discover particulars about the problem and what our clients want. But that’s not enough.
There are actually five basic components that go into effective problem solving and the mental-emotional organizing of data. The S.C.O.R.E. Model, developed by NLP visionary Robert Dilts, provides a way for coaches to gather and organize information in order to make good decisions and create effective changes.
The letters stand for Symptoms, Causes, Outcomes, Resources and Effects. These elements represent the minimum amount of information that needs to be addressed by any process of change or healing.
- Symptoms are typically the most noticeable and conscious aspects of a client’s problem.
- Causes are the underlying elements responsible for creating and maintaining the symptoms.
- Outcomes are the particular goals or desired states that would take the place of the symptoms.
- Resources are the underlying elements responsible for removing the causes of the symptoms and for manifesting and maintaining the desired outcomes.
- Effects are the longer-term results of achieving a particular outcome.
Once you and your clients know these five components, the “right” information can be gathered so that action can be quickly taken. There are specific questions connected to each component allowing you to understand your client’s perspective so that you can implement the right interventions. I will describe these questions in future articles.
Begin by taking this action step on the S.C.O.R.E. model today:
Choose a client who is struggling. Make one card for each component of the S.C.O.R.E. model. Then ask yourself two important questions:
- “Do I have information that applies to each component?” and
- “Do we have a shared understanding of this information?”
If not, ask the client to elaborate further.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.http://terryhickey.com/
