Archive for relationships
Setting Your Own Pace (and Sometimes Adapting to Another’s Pace)
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Salka’s notes are actually from Waiki this time.
She can’t keep up these days and has no interest in doing so. She has her own pace and is not interested in adapting to the other dogs. They have different demands. Waiki’s agenda is to go out and be in the neighborhood. Despite her failing health, she’s really happy and enjoying herself.
The added bonus is that accommodating her needs allows me to get a brisk, heart-healthy walk with the other two dogs and then take it easy with her. It reminds me of raising children. With kids, we often have to adapt to their styles rather than having them adapt to ours, and doing so pays dividends for everyone.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Do You Make Friends Easily?
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Salka is always interested in making friends. Even though he’s large and looks like a wolf, kids are drawn to him. He actually assumes that everyone likes him.
Once when we were in a sporting goods store, we ran into a father with two daughters. One of the girls came running over to see Salka, and they interacted. The other daughter, who was perhaps 7 or 8 years old, was clearly scared of him. Her father said she had been bitten several years before. Because of that incident, she was afraid of dogs, and they had decided not to get a puppy even though the younger daughter clearly wanted one.
After getting her fathers permission to talk with her, I was able to do some rapid trauma resolution. I then challenged her idea that because one dog bit her in the past, all dogs are biters. I was able to get Salka to be calm and relax and lie down. (He could sense her unease.) Within a few minutes she was able to pet him. When I looked at her father, his eyes were tearing with emotion. He thanked me and, of course, Salka.
Like Salka, your attitude towards others will determine your relationships. If you believe you are going to be liked and can connect with people, you will.
Have you experienced this belief in action? Please share your stories and comments below.
(In these pictures Salka and a few new friends are taking advantage of a temporary river in Tucson. Normally a dry wash, it can fill up within hours. At this time, it had receded about seven or eight feet from just a day and a half before. Within three or four days, it was dry again.)
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Who Are You Taking for Granted?
Posted by: | CommentsI just came from a lunch with a friend and was struck with the need to comment on what happened.
My friend had invited me to lunch because she is on my mailing list and had just received my newsletter. She considers receipt of my newsletter—and all others—as verification of a relationship. For her reading my newsletter is equivalent to having me talk to her. She believes that relationships are so important that you must work to keep them in place and functioning. Because of the powerful meaning she sees in relationships, she wasn’t comfortable continuing to receive my newsletter until we addressed an “elephant in the room” of sorts. I am happy to say that our talk went well.
I came away from lunch with a new awareness of two important issues. First, if you want to keep relationships working in your life, you must take the time to evaluate how they are doing. Second, if a relationship needs your attention and you need to right a wrong or have an important talk, then do it.
If business relationships are worth forming in the first place, then they are worthy of the same kind of consideration. What can you say about the relationships that you have formed in your business? Do you take them for granted, or do you do the work necessary to keep them going?
Whatever the answer, I’d love to hear about it. Please share your comments and feedback below.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do, just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://www.terryhickey.com
What Matters Most?
Posted by: | CommentsAll of us in Tucson have been affected by the recent shooting. One of my colleagues really captured a way to reflect on this tragedy in the following article, so I’m passing it along for your consideration. — Terry
What Matters Most?
By Kay Prince
Of course, the recent shooting in Tucson offers an opportunity to reconsider, to evaluate what’s happening in our world and to consider what actions can create positive change locally, regionally and nationally at many other levels.
This event and the events that have followed also create another possibility – a very personal one. A chance to consider the tragedy as a catalyst to contemplating how you are living your life. It’s times like these that people experience a wakeup call. They stop. They take a look at themselves and their lives.
Respectfully, I offer some questions for your contemplation and review. I invite you to take time, to consider, to examine your life through these nine questions.
1. What’s most important to you in living your life?
2. How can you make more of a positive impact with your family, your close circle of friends, your workplace?
3. What are the values and guiding principles that you hold most dear, that drive you, that you wish to pass on to your children and those closest to you?
4. Do you have a sense of meaning in your life? Do you know what your life purpose is?
5. Is the statement “life is short” more of a reality to you now? Is it time to look at the rest of your life and be more aware of how you want to live it?
6. Are you living your life to the fullest? Are there certain talents, passions, personal causes that have been brushed aside and are longing to be expressed?
7. What will bring you true, sustainable satisfaction, in your relationships, your work, your life?
8. Is it time for you to explore options to make a greater contribution and impact?
9. What or who matters most to you in your life? Are you making that a top priority?
Have the urge to sell all your earthly belongings and join the Peace Corps? That’s not what this exercise is all about. Every single day in your life, in your family, in your work, you have a choice to live in a way that is true to yourself, true to who you are and what you stand for.
If each of us lived with these questions in mind at all times, think of what the difference would be.
Note: Kay Prince can be reached at kay@kprinceco.com.
Who Are Your Mentors?
Posted by: | Comments[Written 1/6/11]
I just finished recording a segment for my Download of the Month Club. This audio features an exercise on finding your inner mentors, so as I recorded it I thought about some of the important mentors in my life
The one who immediately came to mind is my Chow Chow, Waiki. She is very old and infirm but still very much able to enjoy the moment. My walk with her this morning was bittersweet because I know she only has a few more walks in her. Her back legs suffer intermittent paralysis so she has been falling often, each time patiently waiting for me to pick her up so she can go on exploring.
How is she a mentor? Because from the moment she came into our life she demonstrated immediate trust and devotion. She was a street dog who had been abandoned and was surviving on scraps. It turns out that she had laid claim to a barbecue place close to us, eating crickets and other insects she found in the lighted areas nearby.
My wife Beth and our now-deceased Golden Retriever Weiser were on a walk, and Waiki followed them home, limping badly. She was a mess. At the best of times Chows require lots of grooming, so imagine one who hadn’t been touched for several months. In addition to fleas and mange, she was suffering from “milk fever” and had a liter of puppies.
The minute Waiki arrived she decided she was ours, and from that time on we bonded in a profound, trusting way. I have subsequently learned that Chows tend to form tight, protective bonds with either their master or family. She did that and then some. Her name, which came to us quickly, is a Quechua (Inca) word meaning “esteemed companion.“ She has been that and much more.
Waiki is only expected to live for a few more days. While preparing ourselves for the inevitable, she recovered from the paralysis in one of her rear legs, allowing her to walk again. So on our walk today, I allowed myself to fully feel. Tears came to me, and I sobbed uncontrollably. I realized once again that as my mentor, Waiki made it okay to face painful truths.
I have been recovering from a heart attack that, on an emotional level, I believe was caused by my unwillingness to deeply feel and experience painful truths. The heart attack was essentially caused by a blockage, and my new willingness to feel deeply has resulted in an opening of my heart. After determining the areas in which I have not been loyal or trusting, I have committed to doing so for the people and ideas deserving my loyalty and trust. Perhaps most important, I have committed to trusting myself. This means that I am choosing who to commit to and how to be more trusting.
So who are your mentors, and what are you being called to question or learn from this year?
Please let me know. I am interested in hearing from you.
P.S. Do you want to share this article? Please do, but be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. His monthly e-zine, Belief Change Alchemy, offers coaches, entrepreneurs and leaders strategies for abolishing limiting beliefs that interfere with success, ultimately replacing them with life-changing, empowering beliefs. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://www.terryhickey.com
Are Your Beliefs Slowing You Down?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you’ve read my last few blogs, you may be wondering what energy drains have to do with my specialty, beliefs. Let me explain…
Your ever-lengthening to-do lists and unfinished projects represent more than just behavioral issues. There are beliefs in place that have been maintaining your behaviors. These beliefs include the criteria you use to determine what you are going to do—and what you aren’t. Evaluating these criteria will help you prioritize and get things done.
For example, if you are sorting through a stack of papers on your desk and come across a graduation announcement you kept from months ago, do your beliefs support a better-late-than-never philosophy, or do you believe it’s too late to do anything about it now? Either way, you need to make a choice: do something today or let it go forever. Knowing your beliefs about such items can help you process them much more quickly in the future.
Other beliefs that affect your ability to work through your to-do lists and finish projects are those related to delegating. Are you able to give up control and let your helpers do things their way? I’ve been known to say, “You can ask me to do something or tell me how to do it, but you don’t get both.” Hire those who know what they’re doing, and only interfere if their way of doing it affects your business.
If you are ready to eliminate the energy drainers in your life, begin by attending to one or two things, and enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes with each. Ultimately, these small things can add up to major problems—or major victories. Take care of small things in a consistent way and prevent big problems. People who are really successful have these habits in place.
Are you ready to put your beliefs to work for you and achieve some major victories this year?
P.S. Do you want to share this article? Please do, but be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. His monthly e-zine, Belief Change Alchemy, offers coaches, entrepreneurs and leaders strategies for abolishing limiting beliefs that interfere with success, ultimately replacing them with life-changing, empowering beliefs. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://www.terryhickey.com/
Start the New Year with a Shorter To-Do List
Posted by: | CommentsIf you read my last blog, then you’ve probably been thinking about the energy drains in your life. Now that you’ve identified them, what are you going to do about them?
To get your year off to a good start, you need to tackle your energy drains NOW.
Starting with the “immediate” stuff right away, take care of those things that are niggling at your awareness. Consciously be aware of each so you can take care of it. If it’s a commitment to someone else, honor it right away. If it’s a commitment to yourself, honor it right away or renegotiate with the awareness that now you are only going to commit to those things you can and will do. This leads to the next step.
Think of something that you’ve completed or accomplished. How does that feel? Much better, right? As you deal with your drainers, finishing some tasks and letting go of others, you should experience a sense of relief with each accomplishment. Recognize the sense of completion and relief that comes with removing each energy drain.
Now, examine your beliefs that 1) everything has to be done and 2) that it has to be done perfectly. In order to work through existing energy drains and prevent new ones, you will have to let go of some things. Recognize what you’ve been taking on that you many not actually have to do. You can let go of some tasks because they didn’t really have to be done to begin with. Isn’t it a relief to start the new year with less on your to-do list!
Finally, do what it takes to prevent additional energy drains.
Make sure that you don’t continue to contribute to the problem. The more commitments you have hanging out there that you can’t get done, the worse it’s going to get. Keep in mind the old business saying: “Success is as much about knowing what to say ‘no’ to as what to say ‘yes’ to.” Know your priorities, and use them to determine when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” Consider every request for a commitment carefully, even seemingly trivial ones, because a commitment means that you are striking a contract with yourself or others for future action.
Once you successfully eliminate some of the energy drains in your life, let me know. I’d love to hear about it!
P.S. Do you want to share this article? Please do, but be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. His monthly e-zine, Belief Change Alchemy, offers coaches, entrepreneurs and leaders strategies for abolishing limiting beliefs that interfere with success, ultimately replacing them with life-changing, empowering beliefs. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://www.terryhickey.com/
Are Energy Drains Sucking the Life Out of You?
Posted by: | CommentsIn my last post I described how my wife and I improved our office environment by removing clutter, reorganizing and repainting. The clutter was an energy drain, and addressing it made a big difference for both of us.
Identifying and removing energy drains is important to your business, your relationships and your health. Energy drains are the things in your life and environment that feel as if they are sucking the life out of you. Take a minute to think about something that has been on your to-do list for ages. How do you feel when you think about it? See, that is an energy drain!
Such drainers, or leaks, include the following:
- projects you’ve intended to tackle but haven’t,
- things you’ve been meaning to do but haven’t,
- cards you’ve meant to send,
- people you’ve planned to call, and
- commitments you’ve made but not completed,
Energy drains also include environmental and digital reminders of any of these things, such as clutter on your desk, stacks of paper to be filed, or an incomprehensible number of messages in your e-mail program.
As you’ve experienced already, just thinking about the leaks in your life can weigh you down. Dealing with several on a regular basis can be overwhelming. Seeing physical reminders of drainers in your home or office is also exhausting, and the outcome is costly.
Energy leaks can affect your ability to provide good services and to relate fully to those you care about. They can ultimately influence the way you think about yourself and lead to poor productivity or negative self-judgment. For example, as business professionals, we understand that it’s important to do what you say you’re going to do. What does it mean if you have so much going on that you don’t do the things you’ve promised? With energy drains, there’s a cost personally and professionally.
The first step to eliminating them is identifying them. For each sphere of your life, consider your commitments and to-do lists as well as the cluttered areas, literally and figuratively. Identify the problem areas so you can address each one individually.
How many energy drains can you identify in your life?
What are you going to do about them?
P.S. Do you want to share this article? Please do, but be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. His monthly e-zine, Belief Change Alchemy, offers coaches, entrepreneurs and leaders strategies for abolishing limiting beliefs that interfere with success, ultimately replacing them with life-changing, empowering beliefs. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://www.terryhickey.com/
Does Your Environment Support Your Goals?
Posted by: | CommentsTo wrap up 2010, my wife and I made some changes in our office because it wasn’t supporting our purpose and mission. In order to work more effectively and efficiently, we cleared out a lot of clutter and moved several things around.
Getting rid of the clutter made a big difference. It was having a negative impact, and we have both felt a sense of relief from removing it. We also painted one room to create a color scheme that’s in harmony with a more positive environment. All of these changes have made a real difference for both of us.
Does your office environment really support what you do? What about your home environment? If not, what are you going to do about it?
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do, just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
Creativity and Results
Posted by: | CommentsI recently returned from James Malinchak’s Millionaire Speakers Bootcamp in Los Angeles.
One of My clients, Carey Peters, who said I could comment on her, won the coveted Marketer Of The Year Award at the bootcamp. The quality of the competition was very high so why did she win? I can think of three main reasons why she won.
First, her beliefs about her abilities, about the worth of the effort and her willingness to risk loosing made it possible for her to compete wholeheartedly. Second she was very creative in her approach. She used her acting skills to good avail and modeled last years winner Jonathan Sprinkles. Lastly she took massive action.
What I have observed is that so many very creative people with useful beliefs about them selves flounder when it come to taking action. For creative people too much creativity can be their greatest downfall because they continue to generate ideas. Failure to take consistent action on good ideas means the ideas aren’t implemented. Certain actions of course will be more effective and learning or modeling others who have been successful helps, but in the end action steps are what pays off.
Carey has been a consistent example of someone who takes action and her results reflect that.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do, just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
