Archive for life’s purpose
Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Start Planning
Posted by: terry | Comments Comments Off on Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Start PlanningLast month I talked about achieving your dreams by “losing” reality. This month I want to talk about another key to successfully accomplishing your dreams, one that requires you to get back to reality—planning.
First, you need to set up your ideal dream-planning environment. As I mentioned earlier, Beth and I recently spent a full day focused on our dreams. We recognized that getting away from our home and offices would be necessary to set up our ideal dream conditions, so we retreated to a resort.
Next, decide exactly what you want to work on. Once on site, we each picked our top three dreams to work on. Because we were approaching this as a couple, we looked at creating dreams for “self” as well as “we” space.
Finally, figure out how to make your dreams happen. We determined who each of us would need to be in order to carry out specific dreams—what identity we would need to take on in order to make each dream possible.
There is one caveat to all of this: Do not move too quickly into the planning process. Doing so could cause you to lose the positive feelings inspired by the dream. Savor your dream before you begin planning.
Because of our retreat I was able to come up with a tentative plan: I’ll be going on the road to visit friends from my childhood in Peru, from high school and beyond. I’ll also connect with coaching clients and other people I’ve met at conferences over the years. I’ll get an inflatable kayak to spend time on rivers, inland lakes and shorelines, and I’ll bring along my mountain bike. Additionally, Beth and I will do things together. This dream-planning exercise reconnected me to how much adventuring used to be part of my life. Making this dream happen involves reconnecting with people while kayaking and mountain biking at various locations around the country, allowing for an even greater adventure.
Our retreat also led Beth and I to talk about our lifestyle and what we want it to look like in the future. What do we really want to be doing? Our house and rental property have required a lot of upkeep over the last month, so those have been part of the discussion. We’re making changes with the house and tentatively talking about downsizing. I’ll tell you more about my plans after Beth and I finish our follow-up retreat(s).
What about your plans? Are you well on your way to achieving what you want, or do you need to reconsider your dreams and set aside time to make new plans?
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Lose Your Grip on Reality
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Lose Your Grip on RealityIf you ever want to kill someone’s dream, just say, “That’s not realistic.” Similarly, the surest way to squelch your own dream before it takes flight is to focus on reality. Isn’t it interesting that when you share your dream, some people step forward to support it, while other well-meaning friends and family remind us to be realistic?
I touched on this topic a few months ago but feel compelled to bring it up again because it has such a huge impact on whether or not you successfully achieve your goals and dreams. Being realistic has stopped more progress and more dreams than any other idea or feeling.
Here is a common phenomenon: Shortly after people get in touch with their dreams, fear sets in or a little voice says this is not realistic. If you hear that voice, it’s often fear or judgment operating in the background. This concern about realism is probably an indicator that you’re on the right path.
The truth is that when you go for what you want, it’s not likely to be immediately realistic, but that’s okay. Great leaders are rarely realistic. Instead, they are visionary. They set a dream and then proceed to come up with ways to make it happen.
So don’t start with reality. Don’t listen to the little voice that says your goals aren’t realistic. Instead, start with your dream, and focus on what you can do to make it happen.
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
With my wife’s prompting, I’ve been learning more about the Enneagram. It’s been useful in helping me take a look at how I move through the world and in understanding myself better.
I have found that as a Type 7, I tend to be all about taking action and taking advantage of opportunities that present themselves. Unfortunately, that often means acting without considering potential problems or downsides. Type 7’s have problems being with uncomfortable feelings, and taking action helps them avoid being uncomfortable.
What I’m learning about the Enneagram is that it presents another way to look at the shadow process. Shadow work is a way of understanding that what seems positive also has a shadow or down side. The Enneagram opens up a way to see that in more depth. It’s a way to develop not just self-awareness but to expand your ability to tolerate “negative” aspects of yourself.
This is another way to do shadow work, by reclaiming aspects of yourself that you don’t like. I think of myself as a pretty open person, but I have to truthfully admit that I make judgments. I can acknowledge that and reclaim my ability to be judgmental.
The Enneagram can help you reclaim aspects of yourself that you’ve disowned. If I value being loving and understanding but realize that I’m angry and judgmental, I need to see how being that way has served me in the past and has allowed me to survive. Recognizing the positive aspect of these “shadows” can help us reclaim the parts of ourselves we’ve judged in a negative way.
Shadow work is a way to bring your true self—including those parts of your personality perceived as negative—out of the shadow into the light. It takes a lot of energy to push away or ignore parts of yourself that you don’t like. To genuinely become whole, you must own these parts rather than ignoring or oppressing them. In addiction work, for example, it helps for people to make peace with their “addict self” instead of getting rid of it, as they tend to want to do. Re-owning parts that you’ve pushed away is the benefit of shadow work—coming to peace with your shadow and making it a part of you.
The Enneagram provides a way of discovering, acknowledging and reintegrating rejected parts, allowing you to understand yourself in a nonjudgmental way. It encourages a willingness to look at parts of yourself that you’ve been concerned or even angry about. The more you push those parts away, the more they have power over you. Eventually you’ll come up against this, and the Enneagram is a platform that will allow you to work through it.
Are you prepared to reclaim your negative parts, make peace with them and ultimately embrace them as part of your true self?
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Try the “Do It or Dump It” Approach to Realizing Your Dreams
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on Try the “Do It or Dump It” Approach to Realizing Your DreamsDreams are important. Your ability to realize your dreams—or not—determines your level of happiness. Therefore, it’s helpful to periodically review your dreams to see if they still fit. If a dream still appeals to you, do it. Make it happen. If it doesn’t, dump it. Let it go.
During Marcia Wieder’s recent Wealthy Visionary Conference, people shared what seemed to be impossible dreams and how they realized them. I saw how people took action even though they were afraid. Sometimes achieving your dreams comes from taking action even when you’re scared and resistant.
Marcia herself had dreams that people thought she was crazy to pursue. She recognized that she couldn’t help other people achieve their dreams without achieving her own, and in the end she created an industry and certification program for just that—dream coaching and dream realization.
Based upon the lessons she’s learned over the years, Marcia’s processes guide people through the steps necessary to realize their dreams. She shared some of her tips during the conference, and two of them really resonated with me:
- Develop discernment. Know what to say yes to and what to say no The skill of discernment is like any muscle. You need to exercise it in order to strengthen and improve it. You must commit, as an entrepreneur, to the art of discernment. I’ve seen people be overwhelmed and sometimes even have their businesses fail because they didn’t master this.
- Do it or dump it. To move forward, revisit each of your dreams. If you’re no longer working on it or willing to do it, or if it’s not working, dump it. If you need to mourn it, do so, and then move ahead.
As you review your dreams, keep integrity in mind. Whether or not a dream supports your integrity—your ability to stay true to yourself—is important to consider when deciding which dreams to keep or toss. Integrity is an inside and outside job, since it involves keeping your word with yourself and others. I admire Marcia for working really hard to maintain integrity with herself and others. You’ll be more able to succeed in business and life if you stay true to yourself.
One of the things I realized during the conference is that I’m good at manifesting my dreams. I think that’s because I’ve always been more dedicated to my dreams than to doubts. I’ve also always been good about asking myself hard questions, like How would I feel at the end of my life if I haven’t done this? As you think about your dreams, ask yourself the same question. You could rephrase it this way: What will happen if I DON’T move forward with my dreams?
If you’re like me, you’re well aware of how quickly time is passing. Revisit your dreams, and then do it or dump it!
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Stuck? Try Increasing Your Self-Awareness
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on Stuck? Try Increasing Your Self-AwarenessAlmost everyone who works with me has a strong belief in coaching. Inevitably, what they’re struggling with is that they know they could be doing better than they are. They have the skills, but they’re not yet stepping forward in the way they want to. They need to more clearly or deeply understand themselves so they can use that information to move forward in a more powerful way.
When working with these clients, I want to help them discover their gifts and more fully employ them, ultimately becoming better versions of themselves. Tools such as the Enneagram, NLP Personality Profile and Myers–Briggs Type Indicator assist in discovering how you perform in the world. This can be helpful for understanding how you get stuck and what to do about it—and in calling forth the higher version of yourself.
Beth has been studying the Enneagram to assist with the work we’ve been doing in Alaska. This tool can help individuals understand how their personality type influences what they do and the direction they move in, and it can help organizations better understand what motivates the people working for them.
When using tools like the Enneagram, it’s important to focus on how the information can help you, your clients and/or your employees interact more efficiently and not get caught up in the “dark side” of the information it reveals. For example, of the nine possibilities within the Enneagram structure, I’m a Seven, or “Enthusiast,” a personality considered to be spontaneous, versatile, acquisitive and scattered. I agree with this assessment, for while I am likely to see countless options presented by new opportunities, I tend to ignore or diminish the possible pitfalls. (Beth would definitely agree with this assessment!)
It’s important that I recognize these things about myself, and it’s helpful for those who work with me—and for those in a relationship with me—to understand as well. Indeed, having a meaningful marriage or relationship is one of the best personal growth vehicles available, and owning your own business is the other. These two things will consistently illustrate and call forth your best self and your problem self.
So if you want to get to know yourself better, try getting married or owning your own business! I imagine many of you have already discovered this. 🙂
Alternatively, if you are stuck and want to move your mission forward in a more powerful way, try a personality assessment tool. The insight you gain might be just what you need to get back on track.
If you have any questions about the WHY or the Enneagram, please let me know.
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
This month’s tip is that you need to learn how to share your story effectively. You want be able to share your dream in a way that people can really identify with it. It’s important to be able to articulate your dream and talk about it in a meaningful way, sharing from the heart so that it resonates with people and so they know how to support it.
If you don’t share your dreams, people won’t know how to support you, but if you can describe your dreams well, people can help you and will want to help you.
Think of Martin Luther King, Jr. He didn’t say, “I want to share my 5-point plan…” He had a dream, and he knew how to share it!
Here’s an example of someone successfully sharing her dream during an on-stage coaching demo at HCI’s recent Step Into Your Spotlight event:
A woman originally from Puerto Rico chose to share her story of wanting to move from where she now lives in New York City to where she bought a farm in Costa Rica. She described how she would build a house and plant her own food so she could live a sustainable, eco-friendly existence and teach others how to do the same.
She started talking about how much money she’d need to pull this off, and at some point I felt a nudge to help her. I walked up on stage and gave her a $100 down payment for her dream. I started to leave, but she called me back to give me a hug and thank me. By the time I left the stage, there was a line of 20-25 people headed her way. In the end about 125 people gave money to help her achieve her dream!
Many people thanked me for leading the way, saying that things would not have played out the same way if I hadn’t. They noted that my willingness to step up at that time made a difference. I appreciated their input, but I would add that the most important factor in receiving financial support that day came from the woman’s own ability to describe her dream in a way that resonated with us. She knew how to share her story!
Do you?
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
I’ve been hearing a lot about resistance lately. Resistance is something you run into when you’re about to make a major change.
It started with one client who called me and said, “I’m starting to feel the resistance now.” Another person brought it up just a couple of days later. Shortly after that I came across a book I had partially read but not finished, Do the Work: Overcome Resistance and Get Out of Your Own Way by Steven Pressfield. He notes that when we consider doing important work, there are forces that weigh against us as entrepreneurs and artists. These appear as resistance, i.e. fear, self-doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, rational thought, friends and family, etc. You must be able to overcome resistance in all its forms in order to succeed.
You have to jump in there and do it. Resistance will show up whenever you start to do something important. It’s one of the first things to appear. It’s actually a good sign, since it’s an indicator that you’re on the right path.
To deal with resistance, determine the positive intent behind it. Examine what it wants for you. To be cautious? To be safe? Figure out the reason, and then move forward.
Ultimately, if the work is worth doing or the change is worth making, you’ll have to push through the resistance.
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Are You Ready to Be an Effective Leader?
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on Are You Ready to Be an Effective Leader?Often in our business we operate as sole proprietors, but some of you are contemplating growth. In support of that you’ll probably add people to grow your business. You might start with a virtual assistant or other contractual arrangements, but at some point in your entrepreneurial journey, you’ll make the decision to grow. Even if you hadn’t thought of yourself as a leader before, you will then.
Effective leadership requires several important skill sets: 1) you must be a clear communicator; 2) much as you do in coaching, you must be able to set clear and measureable goals, and 3) you need to be able to describe how those goals are to be measured so that people on your team will know how to carry them out.
One of the things we did with the group in Alaska was to discover people’s “WHYs.” This helped us better understand how recent problems arose—because people didn’t understand each other’s why. It’s important to make sure individuals are in the right positions for their skill set. It’s important to understand each person’s skill set and why.
Another thing we learned is that it really helps to recognize and understand the capabilities of those working for you and apply that understanding in order to work with them in different ways. You have to change what you do to fit the needs of those who work for you. To be an effective leader, you must be flexible, adapting your style to suit the needs of your organization and those working for you. The person with the most behavioral flexibility has the most influence in the system. Hire the right people, be clear about your expectations, create systems for success and then help your employees succeed.
Leaders also have to be able to think systemically, realizing that doing this here will have an impact there. They need to recognize when something isn’t working and identify ways to fix or improve the situation.
When addressing mistakes, effective leaders make several assumptions:
- People have the resources they need but may not be using them correctly.
- Even though they made a mistake, they had positive intentions.
- When they made a decision, it was the best they could do at the time.
- If what you’ve been doing doesn’t work, you should do something else.
- You can learn from your mistakes; they should be considered opportunities for growth.
One thing I heard ages ago and often repeat is about this: “Never fail to learn from a good mistake.” A good leader recognizes that there’s no failure, only feedback. If something doesn’t work, figure out why.
All of these skills are critical for effective leadership. If you don’t have the skills required for good leadership, or if you (or your leadership team) are lacking in specific areas, you need to acquire those skills or bring in someone who already has them.
For example, what makes our work in Alaska possible is that the company’s owner is interested in nurturing leaders from within because the organization has gotten so large. Her willingness to work with them has made it possible for us to do in-depth work. She’s really committed to growing leaders in her company, but it’s not always a smooth process. She’s creating systems of success for her leaders.
Are you ready to lead?
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
What Kind of Regret Is Right for You?
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on What Kind of Regret Is Right for You?Unless you’re living your life in a coma, you cannot avoid regret. You simply can’t have a regret-free life. The question is, which kind of regret suits you best?
There’s the kind of regret that comes from not doing something—regret from inaction, and then there’s the regret that comes from doing something and not having it work out—regret because of the consequences of your actions. Which regret is right for you? Would you rather regret what you HAVE done or what you HAVE NOT done?
The underlying criteria for your actions determine your typical regrets. If you believe that taking risks is necessary for self-growth, then you’re more likely to have regrets for consequences. If you lean towards safely and security, you’re more like to have regrets as a result of not having taken risks.
By making a choice FOR something, you are directly or indirectly choosing NOT to do something else. People want their choices to be anxiety free, and when they aren’t, they often avoid making them. When people avoid making painful decisions, it spills over into all parts of their lives. Once they finally move forward with a decision and deal with the consequences, it’s usually a lot easier than they imagined.
One of my favorite coaching challenges is to ask this: “Which anxiety or regret do you want to work on?” Putting off choosing increases the amount of anxiety we experience. Growth requires that we be able to tolerate more uncertainty. Remember that anxiety is a function of your ability to imagine a future that you don’t want. So to a large degree, anxiety is manageable; if you’re going to live in the future, at least make it a future you would enjoy being in. Imagine a future you do want.
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Planning for Next Year? Ask Yourself These Two Questions
Posted by: Adonai | Comments Comments Off on Planning for Next Year? Ask Yourself These Two QuestionsAs you near the end of each year, it’s always useful to ask yourself what you want to accomplish the following year. I’d like to pose this question at a higher level than is typically asked—instead of what do you want to do, I challenge you to answer this question:
“Who do you want to be in the coming year?”
I’m implying that there’s a particular identity you want to assume. Answering this question about identity will require you to think about the values and beliefs that you’ll need to have in place to be that person.
All too often we just focus on our goals for the year. Those are important, but I really want you to investigate your intentions at the level of values, beliefs and identity. All too often we get caught up in goals without looking at a higher level, and that’s what I want you to focus on.
But that’s not all.
I challenge you to take this process a step further. Ask yourself, “What is the mission I want to carry out as that person?”
If you consider your answers to these questions before determining your annual goals, the actions you take next year will support your beliefs and values, and you will be in alignment. During the planning process, you’ll probably also discover that this way of questioning is more likely to highlight values or beliefs that are potentially in conflict.
Taking the time to thoughtfully answer these two questions will help you create more empowering goals for 2016—ones that are in alignment with who you are, who you want to be and what you want to accomplish.
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I like to collect stories about belief change experiences. If you have any interesting ones, let me know or post them below so I can comment on them in subsequent articles or posts.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
