Archive for life’s purpose
The One Question That Immediately Puts You On Track For Results
Posted by: | CommentsIn last month’s article How To Stop Convincing Your Clients To Change—Gather 5 Essential Components of Information That Turbo Charges Change, I described the basic components involved in effective problem-solving.
These five basic components, known by the acronym S.C.O.R.E. (Symptoms, Causes, Outcomes, Resources and Effects) represent the minimum amount of information coaches need to help their clients change and heal:
- Symptoms are typically the most noticeable and conscious aspects of a client’s problem.
- Causes are the underlying elements responsible for creating and maintaining the symptoms.
- Outcomes are the particular goals or desired states that would take the place of the symptoms.
- Resources are the underlying elements responsible for removing the causes of the symptoms and for manifesting and maintaining the desired outcomes.
- Effects are the longer-term results of achieving a particular outcome.
There are specific questions connected to each component that will allow you to understand your client’s perspective. In this article I offer one key question to elicit symptoms from your clients so you can get the “right” information, leading you to take the most effective action.
The one key question for symptoms is this:
In which context do you experience your symptoms?
This question is intended to reveal whether your client experiences the symptom within a specific event or context or whether the symptom is experienced in several contexts. For example, your client may feel nervous only when making presentations. Or your client may feel anxiety across many contexts in relating to people.
If the symptom occurs during a specific event, context-specific resources to build confidence—such as changing how your client pictures the event or adding resources of confidence and enjoyment—may be sufficient.
But if your client feels nervous across many contexts, then the intervention needs to address a “deeper” level within the client. It is likely the client identifies with being a nervous person, and the resources will need to be more robust. Coaches then need interventions to transform the client’s limiting identity and create an identity capable of creating the results the client wants. For example, asking, “Who will you be when this issue is far behind you?” will begin to open your client’s mind and call her/him forward to future possibilities. Sometimes interventions are also needed to relieve limiting childhood events and beliefs.
While training high-level coaches in belief-changing techniques, I have found that a common major error is not discovering the depth of clients’ issues right from the start. This leaves both coach and client disappointed when the suggested actions don’t create immediate results.
This question helps you immediately recognize the depth of the issues and sets you and your client on the most productive track.
So with your next three clients, ask,
In which context do you experience your symptoms?
I would love to hear how well this approach works for you. Share your feedback and comments below.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.http://terryhickey.com/
Using the Belief Change Template for Transformational Change
Posted by: | CommentsI just finished a recent training with David Gordon, one of the world’s best NLP trainers and thinkers. David gave a powerful interactive presentation on what he calls the Belief Change Template. He highlighted in his training that working with limiting beliefs is ALWAYS necessary to maintain important behavioral changes.
Given that beliefs are usually unconscious, how do you discover them? Well, David uses the Belief Change Template to uncover beliefs by exploring and discovering your criteria and how those criteria are expressed and operationalized. Dealing with beliefs at the conscious level (i.e., “just change what you believe” or “just adopt this belief”) is the least effective way to do change work.
He showed us how to do belief change work in a visual fashion so you can actually see the results, and it is in the seeing that the “ah-ha” moments come. David did a live demonstration with an attendee who discovered through the process how one of her criteria “to do it perfect” was so overwhelming that she became paralyzed by inaction—or by too much action. As she saw this in front of her, she realized as an observer what she had been doing to herself.
What David says—and what I believe—is that when someone goes through this process, they can then spontaneously shift a belief and then a behavior or implement a new behavior. Learning how to be good at using the template takes some time, but it is well worth it.
To take your coaching to a higher level, develop a way to help your clients discover limiting unconscious beliefs. If you want to learn more about David’s work in this area explore http://expandyourworld.net/dggd.php.
If you’d like to know more about the Belief Change Template or other approaches for facilitating transformational change, contact me at Terry@terryhickey.com.
Thanks,
Terry Hickey
The Belief Change Alchemist
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Harnessing the Fear That Comes from Stepping Up to a Higher Level
Posted by: | CommentsSo you’ve set in place that new program, new product, new service or new launch that’s designed to take your business to the next level. At first you’re proud of yourself, but then you begin to focus on what you might do wrong…
- You micro-analyze your performance in the teleclass you just did, complaining that even though you had 100 participants, you should have had 200.
- You begin wondering if the right person is going to show up for your call or your offering.
- You worry that you haven’t priced it right and they can’t afford it.
- You tell yourself you should have said this instead of that.
Soon you discover that you’re having trouble sleeping—or you’re waking up anxious. Because of your fear you stop taking specific actions like calling a potential client or following up on expected tasks and e-mails. You even start missing deadlines.
Does this sound like you?
If so, rest assured that you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re actually right on target. The good news is that with the appropriate approach, such fear can be the key to great success.
There are three things you can do to transform your fear and reap success.
- Recognize that you’re only having this fear because you’re stretching yourself. Stepping up to a higher level requires you to stretch and experience the discomfort that comes with trying something new in order to get what you want. People who don’t stretch won’t feel this. Instead, they’ll experience the regret of not gaining what they want because they haven’t pushed themselves
- Transform fearful questions into empowering ones. Pay attention to the kind of questions you’ve been asking yourself and discover what you need to ask yourself instead. For example…
- Don’t ask yourself “Why aren’t more people showing up for my teleclass?”Instead, you need to ask, “What number of people do I want to show up, and how can I make that happen?”
- Likewise, don’t say, “What if the right person doesn’t show up?”Rather, you should ask, “Who is the ideal person for the program, and what would make them want to come?”
The answers to these new questions reveal the action steps you need to take.
- Recognize your comparisons. Think about who you are comparing yourself to when you think you’re not doing enough—or not doing the right thing.
- Using the teleclass mentioned earlier as an example, if it had 100 participants and you felt it should have had 200, ask yourself, “According to whom or what standards?”You’ll probably find that you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s already doing better than you because they have more experience. Think about how they got where they are and recognize that it’s natural to compare yourself to those who are already doing better. When not used to judge yourself, such comparisons can serve to motivate, which can lessen anxiety.
- Look at your own growth. As a more useful comparative, notice what you have done since last month or last year. Recognize how much you’ve accomplished over time.
Keep in mind that while some fear can be good, too much can create paralysis. So put your fears to work for you, and step up to a higher level with confidence!
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Are You Being Your Real Self?
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I just finished my introductory letter about this month’s hypnotic download program. In researching material for this product I perused Transforming Your Self: Becoming Who You Want to Be
The idea of the true self or authentic self is very common. What’s less common is knowing when you are expressing or fully engaging your true self. Steve suggests this and shows several ways for you to connect with and operate from your true self. It stands to reason, doesn’t it, that when you are connecting in this way, you will be more congruent and have more impact on the world?
You have heard people say things like, “I wasn’t being myself” or “That’s not really who I am” or some other statement that implies there is another self, a false self or an unreal self. What is it that makes this statement make intrinsic sense? I propose it’s the idea that we have a true self that is somehow known to us.
Steve illustrates in many ways that this is so. He suggests processes for readers that allow us to discover how our brain codes experiences. He is able to systematically describe and make possible these discoveries through the experiences he recommends, allowing you to make your own discoveries. Then he illustrates the principles, many of which seem to be universals that actually allow not only learning but also change.
He expands on the idea of your true self, explaining that it’s better to think about your real selves, because we actually create several selves. It is useful to know which self serves you in pursuit of your values. It is important to find what is enjoyable, interesting and pleasing, etc. Having a self makes it possible to have a self-concept. Developing a self-concept that is true to what is important to you is what effectively supports you in your life goals.
I have been particularly interested in this theme of the true self because it often emerges when I am coaching. Many clients discover that as children or young people they took on or adopted a self that someone else wanted for them rather than allowing who they were to truly emerge. One way to understand this phenomenon is to recognize that when we are congruent with who we truly are, we move through the world with a great deal of clarity and power. Would it surprise you to discover that sometimes people play “small” so that others around them can be more comfortable and relaxed?
This phenomenon implies that one of your challenges is to be comfortable with your “selves” and stop shutting down or minimizing your power and clarity so that others can be comfortable. We may discover just the opposite—many people actually prefer us to be in our power. It might be better to say that we need to allow ourselves to be who we truly are and discover what emerges from that decision, rather than choosing to make someone else comfortable.
People who don’t think well of themselves usually don’t attempt very much, and if they don’t attempt very much they won’t accomplish much. So being able to identify who you truly are in different contexts will allow you to congruently take action, letting you be more productive and do things you enjoy more—rather than what you think you should do.
Are you comfortable with your true self? With all of your true selves? Are you letting yourself be who you truly are?
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Do You Have Winning Beliefs?
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Photo of Abby Wambach courtesy Pat Gunn via Wikipedia
In attempting to explain the amazing come-from-behind last-minute goal that allowed the U.S. womens soccer team (WNT) to beat Brazil, one of the announcers said, I know that the word belief gets overused, but this team just believed in themselves.
In interviews with team members, especially Abby Wambach, time and again I heard the phrase We just believed in ourselves.
If they had lost, they could have made a strong case that the referee took the game from them, for they did not spend time during the game protesting calls that had been made. They merely focused on winning.
The last goal that put the team into kick-off position was the result of a play that started deep in the WNTs defensive end and required several pinpoint passes. Every touch was important. Without those passes Abby would have never put her head on the ball and driven it deep into the net.
Brazil spent its last 5 minutes of the game faking injuries and attempting to not lose. One exception was Marta, a Brazilian player who clearly has some powerful beliefs of her own. As a team, however, Brazil clearly lacked the belief in itself that was necessary to win.
On some level the win did not surprise me, because I had bought into the belief that the U.S. Womens National Team would win.
What if you could create beliefs so powerful that you could sustain yourself, even when the referees (economy, politicians, saturated market, etc.) appear to be in opposition to you? What if, instead, you focused on winning or achieving?
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Facilitating Belief Breakthroughs for Increased Confidence and Competence
Posted by: | CommentsI am just back from Chicago where I conducted a two-day training in my Belief Breakthrough Method.™ This is an intensive, small-group experience that is experiential as well as didactic. It is deliberately limited to 10 or fewer participants so that everyone in the group has a chance to work on their own limiting beliefs.
During the program I break down the choices so that the process of effecting change can be understood and applied, and then I demonstrate a skill set and have members practice it. This allows multiple levels of learning, observation and direct experience. At the end of the two days, every member of the group had opportunities to do work, and many said they had experienced major breakthroughs—especially in the areas of feeling “deserving” and being willing to step up in a bigger fashion.
The other area we were able to focus on was health beliefs. Several health coaches participated in the training, so we were able to do some specific work in this realm. The role of beliefs in health and healing is immense. Health and nutrition coaches who cannot work effectively with beliefs essentially decrease their effectiveness.
It’s important to understand that working with beliefs is a complex process that involves several skills that are not always taught in training programs. When I have seen coaches learn these skills, I almost always see them increase their effectiveness. As a result they are often able to increase their value and thus increase the amount they are able to congruently charge, ultimately ending up with high confidence and high competence. Unfortunately, sometimes what I see is high confidence with low competence where they are missing part of the picture—or low confidence with high competence where they don’t step forward in powerful ways.
Do you have a way of evaluating where you fall on this scale of competence and confidence? When you increase either, it puts you on a path to increasing both your effectiveness and your income.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Dream Big for Success
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s been a whirlwind of travel the past month, and I am about to leave today for Chicago for a seminar to train coaches on how to resolve limiting beliefs.
My travels began with San Diego last month, where I witnessed the fruition of two people’s “Big Dream.” Carey Peters and Stacey Morgenstern had their first of what I know will be many large gatherings to show health and nutrition practitioners how to run a business. Their audience, or tribe, is notorious for being mission driven but business phobic. One of the reasons Carey and Stacey were on stage is that they decided they were going to have a thriving business. What that meant for Carey was taking on some old demons linked to money. Money is really a generic way to think about prospering—you know, actually living a life with sufficient money to really allow your message to be in the world. Many of us have taken on beliefs that make prospering, as opposed to struggling, almost impossible.
Carey and Stacey overcame early messages about charging what you are worth and feeling good about it. Not only did they do that, but they now know the steps they took to make it happen. The two of them described their struggles and how they overcome them so that their clients could put in place the steps necessary to create thriving businesses. Most important, they continuously stressed the necessity to take on limiting beliefs about money and business practices. They know that without the work on mindset, there is a low likelihood of setting and reaching high financial goals
The other area that they so clearly modeled was the importance of investing in both your business and yourself. Their program went well because they had a team in place and had a structure that supported what they did. They acted like the success they are. A quote comes to mind: “Success leaves clues.”
For the past month I have been struggling with putting more foundational structures in place. I say struggling because my wife Beth and my VA Kristi Pavlik have pushed me ( I don’t think it’s been easy for them) in the direction I need to go if I am to maintain the level of success and, even more important, impact on the world that I want to have.
When you think about wanting to be a “success” and you have in mind someone like Carey or Stacey, take time to discover the mindsets they have or have adopted that made their success possible. The group I am connecting with in Chicago will be doing mindset work. I think the next Carey Peters will come out of this work.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How to Recognize Resistance and Stop It in Its Tracks
Posted by: | CommentsOne goal in coaching is to avoid bringing out or strengthening a client’s resistance. Ultimately, how you as a coach deal with your clients’ resistance determines success.
We as coaches sometimes take the easy way out with “difficult clients” by attributing resistance and lack of success to the client’s personality. However, consider that client resistance is mainly determined by the coach (although there will always be exceptions).
Research in behavioral science has confirmed that the extent to which clients “resist” is powerfully determined by the therapist’s style. This means that client resistance is a coach’s problem. And developing a style that minimizes resistance is important for your clients’ success as well as your own.
So what is resistance?
From my perspective, resistance appears as observable behavior that occurs during sessions. It can signal the coach that the client is not keeping up. The client is saying, “Wait a minute. I don’t agree. I’m not with you.” The task at this point is to double back, discover where the client is, and attend to that point.
To do this, you need to be able to recognize resistance when it is happening. Consider beginning to notice if your client engages in any of these 4 major categories of resistance as defined in Behavior Therapy by Chamberlain et al.:
- Arguing: Your client questions your expertise or integrity
- Interrupting: Your client interrupts you in a defensive manner by talking over you or cutting you off
- Denying: Your client expresses an unwillingness to recognize problems or minimizes them; disagrees with suggestions but offers no constructive alternatives, i.e., “Yes, but…”; blames others and does not accept responsibility; makes excuses for own behavior; or is reluctant or unwilling to take advice
- Ignoring: Your client shows evidence of not paying attention to you or ignoring you
Resistant responses are normal during initial coaching and not a reason for concern. It does become a problem, however, if resistant responses persist or escalate during a session or throughout the coaching process. It is largely your behavior as the coach that determines whether initial reluctance turns into a persistent pattern. It is how you respond to client resistance that makes the difference, and that distinguishes Belief Breakthrough Method™ work from other approaches.
So consider paying careful attention to these signs of resistance and take the time to slow down and catch up with your client. Begin by simply acknowledging the client’s disagreement, emotion, or perception so that further exploration—rather than defensiveness—occurs.
Next month I will cover more specific strategies for handling resistance.
P.S. Do you want to share this information? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
http://terryhickey.com/
