Archive for life lessons
Terry’s Healing Blog, Part 4: Recovery
Posted by: | CommentsWell the surgery is over, and I am in the recovery phase!
Let me back up a bit…
Before Surgery
It’s been a while, and a lot has happened. I saw Dr. Peter Carroll at UCSF, who confirmed the severity of the cancer and suggested surgery as an intervention. One good piece of news was the improvement in my PSA from a 10.1 to a 7. The reduction was a result of the aggressive use of supplements. I have been very good at being consistent with those, so the results were expected.
I have a belief that focusing on healing facilitates healing because it makes the unconscious organize behavior in pursuit of what I am focused on. To make that focus even more powerful, I have participated in meditation and hypnosis. That process makes it even easier to continue focusing on healing. I used the meditation time to decide on my options for surgery.
I decided to have robotic surgery at the VA because I knew I needed the surgery and wanted to be close to family. A sense of relief came from making that decision. Since then I have been seeing a health coach who has helped me to make meaning of my illness. My beliefs about symptoms are framed around the idea that symptoms are communications for needed actions.
“It’s interesting that my response to this illness is to use it as an opportunity to make choices about what is most important. I have really been able to spend quality time in the aftershocks of this entire experience.”
One of the best experiences has been my ability to open up to my friends and family and ask for support and help. Of course this has led to more closeness and, not surprisingly, a willingness to share even more.
Surgery and Hospitalization
I had a da Vinci® radical prostatectomy with robotic surgery, which meant smaller incisions and more rapid healing. I was up and walking, slowly, 10 hours after my surgery. I had a catheter for the next seven days so my bladder could drain.
While in the hospital I had a chance to work because currently we (Patient Success Systems) are involved in a project to help doctors improve their patient satisfaction scores. This is a big deal in the medical industry because these scores will affect future reimbursements from Medicare and possibly other insurers. The work we are doing is more specifically focused on patient-centered care. As the name implies, the patient is actively involved in the process.
Well, if I were scoring my providers, they would not have done well. There is an active push to make patient-centered care more successful, but it will require hospitals and medical providers to examine and likely change some of their ideas about how care is administered in hospital settings.
You may be wondering why did they not do well. For starters, they often ignored my wife, as though she were not present. Also, communication between doctors and nurses was poor, which meant that I was either not informed or misinformed. I did my best to be a good patient in the sense that I cooperated in my recovery, asked questions when I did not understand, and made sure that my concerns were at least acknowledged.
So, what went well? Well the care I received was quite good. My needs were responded to in a timely fashion, and when I requested something, attempts were made to get it.
Back Home
When I was discharged my follow up was not set up well, and so as soon as I was home, I needed to advocate for my care. One discovery I made was that patient care is often set up for the ease of the medical system, not what is best for the patient.
The risk management procedures hospitals have in place can be frustrating and may not make any sense… unless you understand that the fear of legal issues has made many decisions that ought to be reasonable stupid. An example: for the operation I was held upside down on a platform, so there were some weird, painful side effects like dry eyes. So I asked for eye drops. Nope, I couldn’t have them until the doctor approved the order. I could tell the nurse was almost as frustrated as I was. Of course when the doctor came in next morning, the order was given and I received the drops. My wife was about to go to the drugstore to get them.
There were similar crazy issues involving food. The doctor told me I could have solid (bland) food, but the staff wouldn’t get it for me because the orders were not in, so Beth went to the cafeteria to get food for me.
I think the main idea I want to leave you with is that you need to be proactive and informed when you are in a hospital. You need a friend or a family member there advocating for you. Expect confusion, advocate for what you want strongly, and always ask questions until you get answers that make sense.
I had a follow-up meeting with my surgeon (and I had to work the system to get it) during which the catheter was removed in time for Christmas (LOL). During that meeting he shared the results of the pathology report. (Once removed, the prostate had been sent off for further evaluation.) The final report found that the cancer was not as bad as thought; it was less severe and had not spread outside the prostrate.
All the work I did certainly contributed to the final results, I am sure.
I have thanked all the healers who worked with me. I truly did have a healing team.
Terry
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Coaches’ Intensive Program
Posted by: | CommentsJanuary 26-27, 2013
At the Loews Ventana Canyon resort in Tucson
Three Reasons to Register Now
Reason #1: Eligibility for Terry’s new Intensive Graduate Program and Certification—only those who have attended a Coaches’ Intensive Program can attend this new program, tentatively set to begin in February 2013.
Reason #2: The new Bring a Friend Discount—if you and a friend both register for January’s Intensive, you will each get $400 off the currently listed price. This is the lowest rate available. E-mail Terry’s Client Care Manager at adele@adonai-llc.com for more information about this option.
Reason #3: Transformation—this mid-winter getaway at the Loews Ventana Canyon resort in Tucson can transform your business and your life!
Take advantage of this opportunity to work with Terry in a small group setting where you experience your own breakthroughs while learning how to facilitate breakthroughs for your clients.
- Would you like to learn WHY you and your clients get stuck and what to do about it… FAST?
- Would you like a step-by-step system that will help you and your clients change faster and with greater ease?
- Would you like to receive your training from a recognized Master of transformational change?
There’s also a fourth reason to register now—because the price goes up every month, so the sooner you register, the less it will cost. The current price will go up at noon ET on November 30 (this Friday) and again on January 2. As a newsletter reader you can get a $200 discount off the listed price if you use the code subscribe in the Shopping Cart during checkout.
If you want to catapult your ability to change those troublesome beliefs that are stopping you and your clients in their tracks, then register for this Intensive now!
Looking for a Mentor… or Ready to Be One?
Posted by: | CommentsMany of you in the coaching world have heard successful coaches talk about their mentor or mentors. The story these coaches tell is of how their mentors have helped them grow or evolve. They strongly suggest they would not be where they are today if it had not been for the input and support of their mentors. It’s hard to listen to a successful businessman without hearing a similar story.
What do mentors do? A mentor’s goal is “to establish, strengthen and align empowering values and beliefs, often through their own examples.”* Most of these successful coaches and business people chose mentors who modeled or represented what they wanted or desired.
It’s fairly common to hear such high-end coaches offer to be mentors themselves. Now what’s interesting is that not everyone who could be a mentor actually turns out to be good at mentoring. Why? Because to be good at mentoring, mentors need to have beliefs in place that support mentoring.
My thinking about mentors and mentoring has been influenced by Robert Dilts. Actually, I think of Robert as one of my mentors. Robert suggests that successful mentors operate from the following beliefs:
- When people want something and believe in it enough, they will find a way to make it happen.
- The most important thing I can do is to help people believe in themselves and value what they are doing.
- At their core, all people are positively intended. Having appropriate values and beliefs is the foundation for being able to express our positive intentions in the most effective and ecological manner.
- With advice and attention from me, this person will be able to naturally establish empowering beliefs and appropriate values.
- One of the best ways to advise others is by being an effective role model.
It is hard to separate leadership from mentoring. The leadership style associated with mentoring is that of inspirational leadership. Inspiring others involves motivating and encouraging them to do and be their best. Both mentoring and inspirational leadership emphasize values and empowering beliefs in future possibilities.
You can see that selecting a mentor or serving as a mentor requires you to understand your own beliefs and values. I think you can also see how important it is for potential mentors to be congruent with their own values and beliefs.
I hope this information will encourage you to be careful about selecting your mentors as well as developing your own mentoring abilities, for I believe that mentoring is one of the most important roles you can take on as a successful coach.
* From Coach to Awakener, Robert Dilts, Meta Publications, 2003 (pp. 133-134).
—
I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Destiny Alignment: Powerfully Express Who You Are
Posted by: | CommentsAs I mentioned above, it can be difficult to know when you are expressing or fully engaging your true self. I would like to help you connect with and operate from your true self because it will allow you to be more congruent and, as a result, have a greater impact.
You’ve probably heard people say things like “I wasn’t being myself” or “That’s not really who I am” or some other statement that implies there is another self, a false self or an unreal self. What is it about this statement that makes intrinsic sense? I propose it’s the idea that we have a true self that is somehow known to us.
When you start thinking of the idea of your true self, it may be better to think about your true selves, because we actually create several selves. What is useful is recognizing which self serves you in pursuit of your values. It is important to find what is enjoyable, interesting, pleasing, etc. Having a sense of self makes it possible to have a self-concept.
Developing a self-concept that is true to what is important to you is what effectively supports you in achieving your goals.
I have been particularly interested in this theme because it often emerges when I am coaching. Many of my clients have discovered that as children or young people they took on or adopted a self that someone else wanted for them, rather than allowing who they were to truly emerge. Would it surprise you to understand or discover that sometimes people play small so that others around them can be more comfortable and relaxed?
One way to understand the phenomenon of a clear self-concept is to recognize that when you are congruent with who you truly are, you move through the world with a great deal of clarity and power.
I want you to discover your true self and purpose so that you can be doing the kind of work that truly fits you and lets you feel good about yourself. People who don’t think well of themselves usually don’t attempt very much, and if they don’t attempt very much, they won’t accomplish much. So being able to identify who you truly are in different contexts will allow you to congruently take action, letting you be more productive and do things you enjoy more—rather than what you think you should do.
The process of discovering who you truly are can take some effort. I believe it is best done with guidance and support. I suspect, however, that you have already had some clues about being on the right path of discovery. Are there certain activities that just seem right? Are there ones that make your heart sing when you are doing them? Are there some that just feel right to your gut? If so, that is the feedback that you are on the right path. If you have not yet had that experience, then you owe it to yourself to discover your true calling and destiny.
—
I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Identifying Successful Healing Templates
Posted by: | CommentsI recently attended a reunion of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) health certification graduates. During our meeting we worked on a project to discover healing templates using a process that involved interviewing each other about a successful healing. We sought to determine what “successful” meant to each individual, and we also discussed healings that did not go so well.
Healing Goals
The interview process attempted to tease out all the factors that go into healing. We started by asking about goals and what each person attempted to do through healing. We looked at the various ways people approach healing. In successful healings the goals were often expressed in the positive, or they began as an interest in avoiding something—like pain—but ended up as an expression of something wanted, such as achieving mobility.
Sometimes the goals were not specific enough, with a failure to describe healing as a representation that could be expressed and measured. In some cases the goals weren’t specific enough.
Healing Questions
Next we attempted to discover the “core healing” question. These are questions that can serve as a guiding light, providing opportunities to more forward, such as “What do I need to know to take effective action?” or “What message does this healing have for me?”
These core questions were necessary to activate or encourage the healing process. Some people were very conscious of asking these questions themselves, but for others they had to be elicited through questioning. Even in those cases the core questions were recognized as operating at an unconscious level.
The core questions often provided answers that allowed actions to be taken. They were empowering questions rather than questions that tended to disempower or even victimize. The contrast between healings that worked and healings that didn’t work provided this information. In successful healing processes the question tended to be asked in an empowered or curious voice. The questions had presuppositions that supported or encouraged curiosity or action, or they presupposed answers that some action of healing could be taken.
Healing Beliefs
In other words, the people who experienced successful healings had held very strong beliefs that not only was healing possible but also that their own healing was possible. Because of these beliefs, the primary state that people tended to operate from was one of curiosity or possibility. When they did ask questions of themselves, the answers to their questions provided courses of action. People gathered more information, set intentions and in general got help, especially by creating a healing team. Rarely did people go it alone; asking for help was seen as positive and created a sense of community or the idea of a healing team.
The templates created from these interviews revealed several specific patterns utilized to accomplish healing. Almost all of them included beliefs of empowerment, possibility and “deservability.” The beliefs themselves tended to suggest actions. In the examples of not healing well, the beliefs tended to be disempowering and were more likely to create a sense of apathy or helplessness.
Healing Criteria
As you might expect by now, successful healing criteria tended to support beliefs of healing and tended to be the kind of criteria that insured action and motivation.
A Successful Healing Template
In summary, the successful healing stories had many commonalities. At their foundation were powerful beliefs of possibility, capability and deservability. These beliefs allowed for questions that presupposed healing. There was an almost universal sense that the individual was in charge of the healing, yet each sought out a healing team of several members rather than going it alone. Strategies for healing tended to be multifaceted and almost always included a strong mental or emotional component. A significant amount of exploration or research often accompanied the healing. There was usually a strong tendency to let one’s own criteria describe how healing was taking place in addition to a willingness to check external criteria, like blood work indicators, for feedback.
These characteristics represent a generalized successful healing template. If you are facing a healing crisis, look to these commonalities—of healing goals, questions, beliefs and criteria—as indicators of what has been helpful in others’ healing. If you are working with someone who is struggling with healing, you may discover that they’re missing one of these components, and they can add that to their strategy for healing.
I would be happy to speak with anyone—you or your clients—who is facing a healing crisis and share what I’ve learned.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Break Out Of the Dog Days of Summer Retreat
Posted by: | CommentsEnergize Your Business and Boost Your Income!
“Dog Days” are the hottest, most sultry days of summer. In the Northern Hemisphere, the dog days of summer are most commonly experienced in the months of July and August, which typically observe the warmest summer temperatures.
When their clients cut back during the summer, many coaches experience a personal slowdown. Although this is frustrating and might even deflate your confidence, it is the perfect time to reset your thermostat.
Most of my clients in the summer ask me one HUGE question:
“How do I quickly get unstuck and regain my momentum?”
If you could resolve this #1 question, it would energize your business and boost your income.
My Belief Breakthrough Method™ programs are well known for providing rapid answers to this question, and I have traditionally offered them as part of a six-month commitment with an in-person component.
But now, for the first time…
I am thrilled to offer you a “condensed” version of the Belief Breakthrough Method: a virtual coaching opportunity that will allow you to take advantage of the possibility for rapid breakthroughs right away.
If you are feeling the effects of a sultry summer slowdown, it’s time for a Break Out Of the Dog Days of Summer Retreat!
Join me for this rejuvenating half-day retreat by phone or video chat. (If you have access, we’ll use Skype or FaceTime for an in-person touch!) Through this Belief Breakthrough Method™ program, you’ll get…
• A Pre-session Questionnaire to clarify your specific frustrations and goals
• A 4-hour Retreat to identify and break through what’s been holding you back
• Specific Strategies and Techniques to keep you on track
• Two Follow-up Sessions to ensure your results
And to make all of this do-able, this retreat is available for an investment of just $2,397 (a mere fraction of the usual cost).
You will finally get the personal attention and rapid belief breakthroughs you’ve been waiting for so that you have the self-confidence to apply your business knowledge and advance your income.
The Break Out Of the Dog Days of Summer Retreat is right for you if you…
• Are active in your business and have invested in coaching training but are not taking the actions to achieve the results you know you are capable of
• Want results quickly and are tired of telling yourself and others why you are not where you want to be
• Keep meaning to do life-changing work with me and think you can’t afford it, but you know the cost of doing nothing is too high
Call me to discover if the time is right for this opportunity: 520.237.4435.
Register by August 31, to receive these bonuses:
• A Personalized Belief Breakthrough Hypnotic Recording tailored specifically for you to resolve unconscious blocks to your business success and accelerate achieving your goals.
• A $500 Discount for attending a Belief Breakthrough Method™ Coaches’ Intensive Program, where you will learn how to be a highly-paid coach by creating immediate results for your clients. This transformative training provides intensive attention and education in a small-group experience. (If you register by noon on August 31, you’ll receive a special code for $500 off the listed price of the Intensive.)
So are you ready to energize your business and boost your income?!
Sign up for your Break Out Of the Dog Days of Summer Retreat today:
Part 3: Discovering a Healing Template
Posted by: | CommentsMy experience in California with my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) health group was very satisfying and useful. Even before going I was asked to take a test that allowed Tim Hallbom, my trainer, to discover how I was thinking of healing. What were my ideas, beliefs, and criteria about healing? He was then able to use that information to help me create my own healing template and apply it to my healing journey.
The focus of the group’s two-day workshop was to discover a generic healing template. What could we find that was consistent in everyone’s healing? Essentially, we were doing a large modeling project. NLP excels in “modeling,” the idea that excellence can be dissected and applied to others. Excellence (in healing) has a structure comprised of beliefs, ideas, and strategies. The members of this group are all trained in NLP with a specialty in healing applications of NLP. This training is often referred to as the graduate course in NLP.
The modeling project uncovered certain key factors applied to healing experiences. The number one factor was being able to represent healing in a powerful, compelling way. The better it could be visualized, felt and lived, the more powerful and motivational it was. Healing sometimes began as an expression of what was not wanted, but in order to continue needed to be expressed as what was wanted.
Other important factors that were common included taking an active and collaborative role in healing, the ability to decide what worked for you and trusting your own judgment. The latter did not preclude gathering information; it just meant that you applied it based on your own criteria. This involved beliefs about one’s ability to heal and the belief that healing was possible, and it often included a strong reason or purpose for healing. Robert Dilts refers to this as “re-missioning.”
Often the illness or symptoms were framed as a message or messages from the unconscious. This tapped into a major premise of NLP, which is “symptoms are a message from the unconscious for needed action.” As a result, some people experienced the illness or injury as a gift. In his book about his recovery from cancer, Lance Armstrong tells about a letter he received from a fellow cancer sufferer who talked about how lucky they were to have this illness that caused them to reevaluate their lives and live differently.
I know I have experienced most of the above, at least for small periods of time. The challenge is to systematically incorporate that learning into daily life.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Part 2: Building a Healing Team
Posted by: | CommentsWell I have been traveling on my journey of discovery for two weeks now. Much of the time was spent in research. One of the problems with the Internet is the vast ocean of information, only some of which is useful. We have been doing research for the past several days and have been making calls to ask for resources and sorting through the information available.
I am going to get a second opinion, which requires that I get specific medical records from the VA. It helps that they have computerized records, but it has taken time and effort, and I still don’t have exactly what I need.
I am also trying to decide how much effort to put into my business at this time because I want to care for myself but also keep my business going. For the most part I have chosen to let my clients know what is going on with me, especially since I have to change meeting times to work around medical appointments.
When I allow myself to take time to reflect, I can feel all kinds of feelings, especially fear… I have been reading articles and a book about cancer and have discovered that prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths among men. The other statistic that amazed me was that one in six men over age 50 get prostate cancer. Wow, that’s a lot!
I am choosing to reach out to friends and family, and they are responding in amazing ways. This is counter to my old inclination, which was to be stoic and not let people know what is happening. I have discovered that some of my friends have had prostate cancer, and they are encouraging about what can happen as a result of surgery.
The two major obstacles I had to overcome this past week were my bone scan and CT scan, both of which are designed to discover if the cancer has spread to other sites near the prostate.
A bone scan requires that one be given a shot of some mildly radioactive material that serves as a contrast to the bones and has an affinity for bones that are either injured or have acquired cancer cells. Then you lie under a scanning system that maps your entire skeleton. Well, no cancer, but LOL, they did discover that a soccer injury I had from a game 10 days before was actually a broken finger. As a result, I got an X-ray and was splinted.
While I was at the VA emergency room for my finger, I left my iPhone in the waiting room. When I realized what had happened, I went to find it, but it was gone. I went home and enabled Find My iPhone. Guess what… it works! I was able to trace it to an apartment complex and to the right apartment. When I was approaching the apartment, a woman came out saw me with my iPad and said, “Are you looking for your phone?” She claimed that she had tried to turn it in at the VA but wasn’t able to do so. I remember seeing her there, and I knew she was lying, but I was just happy to get my phone back.
I have engaged the services of a medical advocate whose job is to support me in my journey by making sure that the treatment choices I make are appropriate and done well. He can also do additional research about new and innovative treatments. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of having a team—a support system—when you’re attempting a major healing.
I want to tell you about my meeting with Dr. Dougherty, the head of radiological oncology. What a wonderful soul… she was so present and so heart centered that I was able to discuss my fears my concerns, and she listened. She picked up how important lifestyle concerns are to me. At some point in the interview she said it was her job to be on my team, and her position on the team was either to be providing a specific treatment or to support me in whatever treatment I chose. That was exactly what I was looking for. She also saw my choice to connect with the medical advocate as very positive. All too often doctors feel criticized if you want an advocate, but she was open to it.
I decided to go to San Francisco this next weekend and attend a reunion of health-certified NLP graduates. I’m going because the organizer, Tim Hallbon, said he would like to work on me as a demonstration of how to work with a serious health challenge. Tim is one of my mentors and a friend, and I have strong connections with the NLP community, so this is ideal. I’m beginning to feel more positive about how I will manage this health challenge, especially sense I really do believe I’m beginning to have a team.
It is really hard to navigate the current health care system. It even seems overwhelming to the people who work there. I was trying to get a copy of the slides from my biopsy, and it took me three days to even get to the right department to find out that I would have to jump through several hoops to have them sent to a doctor for a second opinion.
I have been meditating and listening to music sent to me by my friend Deborah Wilson, who works with angels and healing music. I also went with my wife and brother-in-law to attend a six-hour meditation process with a remarkable healer, Kingi Kumara, who works with quantum healing.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Part 1: “You Have Cancer”
Posted by: | CommentsWhat I intend to do is start a blog or journal about my journey with cancer. I want to do this because I believe that I can learn a great deal about healing journeys by paying attention to my own. Yesterday Beth and I went to my appointment at the VA hospital. The purpose of the appointment was to discuss the findings from my recent prostate biopsy. Some background is important…
I will be 65 in July. One of the challenges of being in the last third of my life is that now what is most present is the difference between the way my body used to work and how it works now. Up until about two years ago I didn’t think a lot about relieving myself in the morning. Now I do. I wake up more frequently in the early morning with an urge to go. Then I notice it ain’t what it used to be. The old plumbing system isn’t working the way it used to. (Now there are certain number of you reading this who may be smiling or nodding your head in recognition. Or you may have a partner who is now experiencing this.) Given that something is different, it will have some sort of meaning for you, such as, “I’m getting older” or “This is different” or “Is there something wrong?” or any number of other things you might be thinking.
Well one day I picked up my phone and called my medical provider, the VA hospital. I was put through to a nurse who started asking me questions about frequency, volume, experience of pain or not, and then he looked in my records (the VA has been using computerized record-keeping for several years now) and discovered that a blood test I had taken in the past had elevated PSAs. His tone became decidedly concerned, and he asked me why I hadn’t followed up. I told him because I hadn’t known I should’ve followed up. Who knows what happened—whether had I been told and blown it off or somebody had forgotten to mention it, it doesn’t matter. What did matter is that I got it that I needed to follow up, and I did. When that blood work came back, it showed an even higher elevation of PSAs. An explanation might be helpful here: PSA, or prostate specific antigen, is a glycol protein secreted by the gland. It has a positive reproductive function, but when it becomes elevated in response to an enlarged prostate or a cancerous condition in the prostate, it indicates a problem. When there is an elevation in PSAs, many medical providers suggest a prostate biopsy. I emphasize many because I sought a second opinion from a naturopathic physician whom I have consulted with in the past. He also advised me to have the biopsy.
Well, what can I tell you about prostate biopsies? Weird would be a good word. Uncomfortable comes to mind, and suffice to say that like many invasive medical procedures, it has some risks and side effects that take some getting used to. My experience was positive overall in that the doctor who performed it did a good job of preparing me and making what is intrinsically uncomfortable doable. Which brings me to yesterday.
When I was called to meet with the doctor who was to talk to me about the biopsy findings, I went with my wife Beth and met with a surgeon and a resident. In retrospect I’m reminded of the old TV show Dragnet, from which Sgt. Friday is often quoted as saying “Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.” My doctor jumped in and just gave me the facts. They were delivered purely as information. He did a good job of establishing that I have a serious enough condition to warrant drastic medical intervention. What I realize when thinking about the experience is how much it was about delivering information. There was very little focus on how the information affected me or what it was even like to be told, “You have cancer.” What I realize, of course, is that I immediately began making a meaning out of what he was telling me, both consciously and unconsciously. And even when I write this I can feel the intake of my breath and the welling up of tears behind my eyes. I realize that in the environment of the urology lab I had a similar intake of breath, and I was smart enough to connect with Beth. I could feel the support emanating from her.
As I’m writing this I’m really processing what I’m going to do. I’ve already begun researching and thinking about what all this means. Those of you who know me have heard me say many times that symptoms communicate some sort of needed action. So what is my prostate telling me? What does it mean that I have prostate cancer?
The doctor who delivered the information recommended surgery. So should I cut that part of myself out, or do I respond in a different, non-medical way? I’ve already started listening to one of my own hypnotic tapes on healing, and I’m asking myself what makes the most sense. I’m already eating and living in a way that is consistent with healing, though there are a couple of things I have to do differently. I resisted giving up coffee completely, and it looks like I’m going to have to say goodbye—saying “No” to one experience so I can say “Yes” to a deeper experience.
I’m in a community that includes a number of remarkable healers, so would I be willing to go with something unconventional, or will I follow the recommendations of my VA doctor? What I am aware of when I write this is there was no discussion of nontraditional healing modalities, and I realize I could have initiated the discussion but did not. I did ask, “Does this process reverse itself? For example, is it possible to lower PSAs? Is it possible to reverse a cancer process?” I did describe my idea that cancer represents a mistake in how cells react, and the doctor acknowledged that was so, but his take was that if it were reversed, it wasn’t really a reversal but probably a bad diagnosis.
I’ll be writing more in the coming days. I want to tell you what it’s like to make decisions about the kind healing I’m going to do and what that means. I’ll be reading many books on healing—I’m going to look at NLP and healing, I’m going to read spiritual perspectives on healing, and I’m going to have more forthright conversations with my healing team. Even though surgery has been recommended, I’m not sure that’s the choice I’m going to make. For those of you who read this, I would actually appreciate your thoughts and ideas about what I’m writing because I know some of you have already been down this path, and I know that many of you will be going down it.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
What Should You Do When Your Clients Get Stuck?
Posted by: | CommentsTo answer this question, you need to start with another one: Why is your client stuck?
You need to consider the answer to this from two perspectives—yours and theirs. Discovering the meaning a client is putting on this (being stuck) is insightful. They may not even consider themselves to be stuck. I have found three responses to be helpful at this point.
How to Respond When a Client Is Stuck
First, look at the meaning you are placing on why the client is stuck. The meaning you put on this should determine how you proceed. You think the client is stuck because __________. Unless you step back and fill in the blank, your perspective will determine how you proceed. Assess how you as a coach are responding and consider some of the possibilities: the client isn’t stepping up OR I’m not a good coach OR some good things can come of this.
Sometimes coaches blame the client or themselves for the client being stuck. But if they can say, “This is great. What are we going to do about this?” then they can move the process forward.
There are times when you need to recognize that someone is stuck by fear. Your service then is to support and encourage them through that fear. If they know they’re stuck by fear, you can ask how they want to manage it: “What do you think you need to do to manage this?” or “How do you want me to help you or push you?” and “What’s the best way for me to do that?” When I can get them to this question, then I’ll agree to do what they’ve requested. Once they’ve told me what to do and given me permission to do it, then we can move forward and see how it works.
Some coaches believe they need to hold people accountable and bring forth the best in them, but that may not be the best service for all clients. Sometimes helping clients discover that there’s a good reason they’re stuck might be the best thing you could do for them. There may not be a conscious awareness of this, but by asking the right questions, you can help them uncover the unconscious reasons. For example, take someone who fears that growing her business will take her away from her family, like it did for her father or mother. You could ask, “When did you decide that growing your business means you can’t be with your family?” and “What if we could discover a way that you could grow your business AND be with your family?” After addressing those answers, you might want to move on to delegation.
The second way to respond when a client is stuck is to say, “Teach me how you are experiencing this so I can get stuck the way you are.” Determine how the client is responding to being stuck. Are they truly exploring what they want? Is it because “part of me wants this or that”? Is there a good reason why they aren’t yet getting what they want?
The third way to respond is to recognize that being stuck may be the best thing for the client. It may come from an ecological reason. An ecological premise addresses that what might seem like a good idea logically might not actually be a good idea. It’s the law of unintended consequences. You have to understand that when somebody gets something, the results will be good AND bad. Sometimes success can have unintended consequences that actually create more problems.
To discover if this might be the reason, you can say, “Remind me what it is we are trying to accomplish.” Once you have reviewed that together, try this prompt, “I’m going to assume that we can do this, but will getting what you want cause unintended consequences?”
Here are more questions you can ask at this point: “When you get what you want, what will the consequences be—both good and bad?” and “How will it affect you and the people that you care about?”
As you try to determine why a client is stuck, remember that one size does not fit all. One of the biggest gifts a coach can have is an ability to be flexible with clients.
—
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
