Archive for hypnotic language patterns
Looking for a Mentor… or Ready to Be One?
Posted by: | CommentsMany of you in the coaching world have heard successful coaches talk about their mentor or mentors. The story these coaches tell is of how their mentors have helped them grow or evolve. They strongly suggest they would not be where they are today if it had not been for the input and support of their mentors. It’s hard to listen to a successful businessman without hearing a similar story.
What do mentors do? A mentor’s goal is “to establish, strengthen and align empowering values and beliefs, often through their own examples.”* Most of these successful coaches and business people chose mentors who modeled or represented what they wanted or desired.
It’s fairly common to hear such high-end coaches offer to be mentors themselves. Now what’s interesting is that not everyone who could be a mentor actually turns out to be good at mentoring. Why? Because to be good at mentoring, mentors need to have beliefs in place that support mentoring.
My thinking about mentors and mentoring has been influenced by Robert Dilts. Actually, I think of Robert as one of my mentors. Robert suggests that successful mentors operate from the following beliefs:
- When people want something and believe in it enough, they will find a way to make it happen.
- The most important thing I can do is to help people believe in themselves and value what they are doing.
- At their core, all people are positively intended. Having appropriate values and beliefs is the foundation for being able to express our positive intentions in the most effective and ecological manner.
- With advice and attention from me, this person will be able to naturally establish empowering beliefs and appropriate values.
- One of the best ways to advise others is by being an effective role model.
It is hard to separate leadership from mentoring. The leadership style associated with mentoring is that of inspirational leadership. Inspiring others involves motivating and encouraging them to do and be their best. Both mentoring and inspirational leadership emphasize values and empowering beliefs in future possibilities.
You can see that selecting a mentor or serving as a mentor requires you to understand your own beliefs and values. I think you can also see how important it is for potential mentors to be congruent with their own values and beliefs.
I hope this information will encourage you to be careful about selecting your mentors as well as developing your own mentoring abilities, for I believe that mentoring is one of the most important roles you can take on as a successful coach.
* From Coach to Awakener, Robert Dilts, Meta Publications, 2003 (pp. 133-134).
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I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Destiny Alignment: Powerfully Express Who You Are
Posted by: | CommentsAs I mentioned above, it can be difficult to know when you are expressing or fully engaging your true self. I would like to help you connect with and operate from your true self because it will allow you to be more congruent and, as a result, have a greater impact.
You’ve probably heard people say things like “I wasn’t being myself” or “That’s not really who I am” or some other statement that implies there is another self, a false self or an unreal self. What is it about this statement that makes intrinsic sense? I propose it’s the idea that we have a true self that is somehow known to us.
When you start thinking of the idea of your true self, it may be better to think about your true selves, because we actually create several selves. What is useful is recognizing which self serves you in pursuit of your values. It is important to find what is enjoyable, interesting, pleasing, etc. Having a sense of self makes it possible to have a self-concept.
Developing a self-concept that is true to what is important to you is what effectively supports you in achieving your goals.
I have been particularly interested in this theme because it often emerges when I am coaching. Many of my clients have discovered that as children or young people they took on or adopted a self that someone else wanted for them, rather than allowing who they were to truly emerge. Would it surprise you to understand or discover that sometimes people play small so that others around them can be more comfortable and relaxed?
One way to understand the phenomenon of a clear self-concept is to recognize that when you are congruent with who you truly are, you move through the world with a great deal of clarity and power.
I want you to discover your true self and purpose so that you can be doing the kind of work that truly fits you and lets you feel good about yourself. People who don’t think well of themselves usually don’t attempt very much, and if they don’t attempt very much, they won’t accomplish much. So being able to identify who you truly are in different contexts will allow you to congruently take action, letting you be more productive and do things you enjoy more—rather than what you think you should do.
The process of discovering who you truly are can take some effort. I believe it is best done with guidance and support. I suspect, however, that you have already had some clues about being on the right path of discovery. Are there certain activities that just seem right? Are there ones that make your heart sing when you are doing them? Are there some that just feel right to your gut? If so, that is the feedback that you are on the right path. If you have not yet had that experience, then you owe it to yourself to discover your true calling and destiny.
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I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Identifying Successful Healing Templates
Posted by: | CommentsI recently attended a reunion of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) health certification graduates. During our meeting we worked on a project to discover healing templates using a process that involved interviewing each other about a successful healing. We sought to determine what “successful” meant to each individual, and we also discussed healings that did not go so well.
Healing Goals
The interview process attempted to tease out all the factors that go into healing. We started by asking about goals and what each person attempted to do through healing. We looked at the various ways people approach healing. In successful healings the goals were often expressed in the positive, or they began as an interest in avoiding something—like pain—but ended up as an expression of something wanted, such as achieving mobility.
Sometimes the goals were not specific enough, with a failure to describe healing as a representation that could be expressed and measured. In some cases the goals weren’t specific enough.
Healing Questions
Next we attempted to discover the “core healing” question. These are questions that can serve as a guiding light, providing opportunities to more forward, such as “What do I need to know to take effective action?” or “What message does this healing have for me?”
These core questions were necessary to activate or encourage the healing process. Some people were very conscious of asking these questions themselves, but for others they had to be elicited through questioning. Even in those cases the core questions were recognized as operating at an unconscious level.
The core questions often provided answers that allowed actions to be taken. They were empowering questions rather than questions that tended to disempower or even victimize. The contrast between healings that worked and healings that didn’t work provided this information. In successful healing processes the question tended to be asked in an empowered or curious voice. The questions had presuppositions that supported or encouraged curiosity or action, or they presupposed answers that some action of healing could be taken.
Healing Beliefs
In other words, the people who experienced successful healings had held very strong beliefs that not only was healing possible but also that their own healing was possible. Because of these beliefs, the primary state that people tended to operate from was one of curiosity or possibility. When they did ask questions of themselves, the answers to their questions provided courses of action. People gathered more information, set intentions and in general got help, especially by creating a healing team. Rarely did people go it alone; asking for help was seen as positive and created a sense of community or the idea of a healing team.
The templates created from these interviews revealed several specific patterns utilized to accomplish healing. Almost all of them included beliefs of empowerment, possibility and “deservability.” The beliefs themselves tended to suggest actions. In the examples of not healing well, the beliefs tended to be disempowering and were more likely to create a sense of apathy or helplessness.
Healing Criteria
As you might expect by now, successful healing criteria tended to support beliefs of healing and tended to be the kind of criteria that insured action and motivation.
A Successful Healing Template
In summary, the successful healing stories had many commonalities. At their foundation were powerful beliefs of possibility, capability and deservability. These beliefs allowed for questions that presupposed healing. There was an almost universal sense that the individual was in charge of the healing, yet each sought out a healing team of several members rather than going it alone. Strategies for healing tended to be multifaceted and almost always included a strong mental or emotional component. A significant amount of exploration or research often accompanied the healing. There was usually a strong tendency to let one’s own criteria describe how healing was taking place in addition to a willingness to check external criteria, like blood work indicators, for feedback.
These characteristics represent a generalized successful healing template. If you are facing a healing crisis, look to these commonalities—of healing goals, questions, beliefs and criteria—as indicators of what has been helpful in others’ healing. If you are working with someone who is struggling with healing, you may discover that they’re missing one of these components, and they can add that to their strategy for healing.
I would be happy to speak with anyone—you or your clients—who is facing a healing crisis and share what I’ve learned.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Part 3: Discovering a Healing Template
Posted by: | CommentsMy experience in California with my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) health group was very satisfying and useful. Even before going I was asked to take a test that allowed Tim Hallbom, my trainer, to discover how I was thinking of healing. What were my ideas, beliefs, and criteria about healing? He was then able to use that information to help me create my own healing template and apply it to my healing journey.
The focus of the group’s two-day workshop was to discover a generic healing template. What could we find that was consistent in everyone’s healing? Essentially, we were doing a large modeling project. NLP excels in “modeling,” the idea that excellence can be dissected and applied to others. Excellence (in healing) has a structure comprised of beliefs, ideas, and strategies. The members of this group are all trained in NLP with a specialty in healing applications of NLP. This training is often referred to as the graduate course in NLP.
The modeling project uncovered certain key factors applied to healing experiences. The number one factor was being able to represent healing in a powerful, compelling way. The better it could be visualized, felt and lived, the more powerful and motivational it was. Healing sometimes began as an expression of what was not wanted, but in order to continue needed to be expressed as what was wanted.
Other important factors that were common included taking an active and collaborative role in healing, the ability to decide what worked for you and trusting your own judgment. The latter did not preclude gathering information; it just meant that you applied it based on your own criteria. This involved beliefs about one’s ability to heal and the belief that healing was possible, and it often included a strong reason or purpose for healing. Robert Dilts refers to this as “re-missioning.”
Often the illness or symptoms were framed as a message or messages from the unconscious. This tapped into a major premise of NLP, which is “symptoms are a message from the unconscious for needed action.” As a result, some people experienced the illness or injury as a gift. In his book about his recovery from cancer, Lance Armstrong tells about a letter he received from a fellow cancer sufferer who talked about how lucky they were to have this illness that caused them to reevaluate their lives and live differently.
I know I have experienced most of the above, at least for small periods of time. The challenge is to systematically incorporate that learning into daily life.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Part 2: Building a Healing Team
Posted by: | CommentsWell I have been traveling on my journey of discovery for two weeks now. Much of the time was spent in research. One of the problems with the Internet is the vast ocean of information, only some of which is useful. We have been doing research for the past several days and have been making calls to ask for resources and sorting through the information available.
I am going to get a second opinion, which requires that I get specific medical records from the VA. It helps that they have computerized records, but it has taken time and effort, and I still don’t have exactly what I need.
I am also trying to decide how much effort to put into my business at this time because I want to care for myself but also keep my business going. For the most part I have chosen to let my clients know what is going on with me, especially since I have to change meeting times to work around medical appointments.
When I allow myself to take time to reflect, I can feel all kinds of feelings, especially fear… I have been reading articles and a book about cancer and have discovered that prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths among men. The other statistic that amazed me was that one in six men over age 50 get prostate cancer. Wow, that’s a lot!
I am choosing to reach out to friends and family, and they are responding in amazing ways. This is counter to my old inclination, which was to be stoic and not let people know what is happening. I have discovered that some of my friends have had prostate cancer, and they are encouraging about what can happen as a result of surgery.
The two major obstacles I had to overcome this past week were my bone scan and CT scan, both of which are designed to discover if the cancer has spread to other sites near the prostate.
A bone scan requires that one be given a shot of some mildly radioactive material that serves as a contrast to the bones and has an affinity for bones that are either injured or have acquired cancer cells. Then you lie under a scanning system that maps your entire skeleton. Well, no cancer, but LOL, they did discover that a soccer injury I had from a game 10 days before was actually a broken finger. As a result, I got an X-ray and was splinted.
While I was at the VA emergency room for my finger, I left my iPhone in the waiting room. When I realized what had happened, I went to find it, but it was gone. I went home and enabled Find My iPhone. Guess what… it works! I was able to trace it to an apartment complex and to the right apartment. When I was approaching the apartment, a woman came out saw me with my iPad and said, “Are you looking for your phone?” She claimed that she had tried to turn it in at the VA but wasn’t able to do so. I remember seeing her there, and I knew she was lying, but I was just happy to get my phone back.
I have engaged the services of a medical advocate whose job is to support me in my journey by making sure that the treatment choices I make are appropriate and done well. He can also do additional research about new and innovative treatments. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of having a team—a support system—when you’re attempting a major healing.
I want to tell you about my meeting with Dr. Dougherty, the head of radiological oncology. What a wonderful soul… she was so present and so heart centered that I was able to discuss my fears my concerns, and she listened. She picked up how important lifestyle concerns are to me. At some point in the interview she said it was her job to be on my team, and her position on the team was either to be providing a specific treatment or to support me in whatever treatment I chose. That was exactly what I was looking for. She also saw my choice to connect with the medical advocate as very positive. All too often doctors feel criticized if you want an advocate, but she was open to it.
I decided to go to San Francisco this next weekend and attend a reunion of health-certified NLP graduates. I’m going because the organizer, Tim Hallbon, said he would like to work on me as a demonstration of how to work with a serious health challenge. Tim is one of my mentors and a friend, and I have strong connections with the NLP community, so this is ideal. I’m beginning to feel more positive about how I will manage this health challenge, especially sense I really do believe I’m beginning to have a team.
It is really hard to navigate the current health care system. It even seems overwhelming to the people who work there. I was trying to get a copy of the slides from my biopsy, and it took me three days to even get to the right department to find out that I would have to jump through several hoops to have them sent to a doctor for a second opinion.
I have been meditating and listening to music sent to me by my friend Deborah Wilson, who works with angels and healing music. I also went with my wife and brother-in-law to attend a six-hour meditation process with a remarkable healer, Kingi Kumara, who works with quantum healing.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Part 1: “You Have Cancer”
Posted by: | CommentsWhat I intend to do is start a blog or journal about my journey with cancer. I want to do this because I believe that I can learn a great deal about healing journeys by paying attention to my own. Yesterday Beth and I went to my appointment at the VA hospital. The purpose of the appointment was to discuss the findings from my recent prostate biopsy. Some background is important…
I will be 65 in July. One of the challenges of being in the last third of my life is that now what is most present is the difference between the way my body used to work and how it works now. Up until about two years ago I didn’t think a lot about relieving myself in the morning. Now I do. I wake up more frequently in the early morning with an urge to go. Then I notice it ain’t what it used to be. The old plumbing system isn’t working the way it used to. (Now there are certain number of you reading this who may be smiling or nodding your head in recognition. Or you may have a partner who is now experiencing this.) Given that something is different, it will have some sort of meaning for you, such as, “I’m getting older” or “This is different” or “Is there something wrong?” or any number of other things you might be thinking.
Well one day I picked up my phone and called my medical provider, the VA hospital. I was put through to a nurse who started asking me questions about frequency, volume, experience of pain or not, and then he looked in my records (the VA has been using computerized record-keeping for several years now) and discovered that a blood test I had taken in the past had elevated PSAs. His tone became decidedly concerned, and he asked me why I hadn’t followed up. I told him because I hadn’t known I should’ve followed up. Who knows what happened—whether had I been told and blown it off or somebody had forgotten to mention it, it doesn’t matter. What did matter is that I got it that I needed to follow up, and I did. When that blood work came back, it showed an even higher elevation of PSAs. An explanation might be helpful here: PSA, or prostate specific antigen, is a glycol protein secreted by the gland. It has a positive reproductive function, but when it becomes elevated in response to an enlarged prostate or a cancerous condition in the prostate, it indicates a problem. When there is an elevation in PSAs, many medical providers suggest a prostate biopsy. I emphasize many because I sought a second opinion from a naturopathic physician whom I have consulted with in the past. He also advised me to have the biopsy.
Well, what can I tell you about prostate biopsies? Weird would be a good word. Uncomfortable comes to mind, and suffice to say that like many invasive medical procedures, it has some risks and side effects that take some getting used to. My experience was positive overall in that the doctor who performed it did a good job of preparing me and making what is intrinsically uncomfortable doable. Which brings me to yesterday.
When I was called to meet with the doctor who was to talk to me about the biopsy findings, I went with my wife Beth and met with a surgeon and a resident. In retrospect I’m reminded of the old TV show Dragnet, from which Sgt. Friday is often quoted as saying “Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.” My doctor jumped in and just gave me the facts. They were delivered purely as information. He did a good job of establishing that I have a serious enough condition to warrant drastic medical intervention. What I realize when thinking about the experience is how much it was about delivering information. There was very little focus on how the information affected me or what it was even like to be told, “You have cancer.” What I realize, of course, is that I immediately began making a meaning out of what he was telling me, both consciously and unconsciously. And even when I write this I can feel the intake of my breath and the welling up of tears behind my eyes. I realize that in the environment of the urology lab I had a similar intake of breath, and I was smart enough to connect with Beth. I could feel the support emanating from her.
As I’m writing this I’m really processing what I’m going to do. I’ve already begun researching and thinking about what all this means. Those of you who know me have heard me say many times that symptoms communicate some sort of needed action. So what is my prostate telling me? What does it mean that I have prostate cancer?
The doctor who delivered the information recommended surgery. So should I cut that part of myself out, or do I respond in a different, non-medical way? I’ve already started listening to one of my own hypnotic tapes on healing, and I’m asking myself what makes the most sense. I’m already eating and living in a way that is consistent with healing, though there are a couple of things I have to do differently. I resisted giving up coffee completely, and it looks like I’m going to have to say goodbye—saying “No” to one experience so I can say “Yes” to a deeper experience.
I’m in a community that includes a number of remarkable healers, so would I be willing to go with something unconventional, or will I follow the recommendations of my VA doctor? What I am aware of when I write this is there was no discussion of nontraditional healing modalities, and I realize I could have initiated the discussion but did not. I did ask, “Does this process reverse itself? For example, is it possible to lower PSAs? Is it possible to reverse a cancer process?” I did describe my idea that cancer represents a mistake in how cells react, and the doctor acknowledged that was so, but his take was that if it were reversed, it wasn’t really a reversal but probably a bad diagnosis.
I’ll be writing more in the coming days. I want to tell you what it’s like to make decisions about the kind healing I’m going to do and what that means. I’ll be reading many books on healing—I’m going to look at NLP and healing, I’m going to read spiritual perspectives on healing, and I’m going to have more forthright conversations with my healing team. Even though surgery has been recommended, I’m not sure that’s the choice I’m going to make. For those of you who read this, I would actually appreciate your thoughts and ideas about what I’m writing because I know some of you have already been down this path, and I know that many of you will be going down it.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Should You Learn Hypnosis for Your Coaching Practice?
Posted by: | CommentsThis post comes from questions I have been asked about the utility of hypnosis in a coaching practice. The answer is never a straightforward “Yes” or “No.” It depends upon what kind of coaching practice is involved and what your expectations are in regards to hypnosis.
Are you actively working with clients…
- Who want to learn quickly?
- Who need to address limiting beliefs that are holding them back?
- Or who are struggling with physical or emotional healing issues?
What is it that you think learning hypnosis would do for you and for your clients?
Your answer to this question indicates whether or not you appreciate the potential of adding hypnosis or hypnotic language patterns to you toolbox. If you are interested in increasing your effectiveness, learning to incorporate hypnotic language patterns into the questions you ask, or the feedback you give, will enhance the work you have already done.
This is because hypnosis itself requires really understanding the power of words. Words can be magic: they can create alchemy for progress or create stuck states. If you don’t know how you’re using words, the experiences you create can be hit or miss.
What experiences do want your words to create?
All communication is designed to influence or create an experience. Effective communicators intrinsically understand this. Learning hypnosis is a very effective way to increase your ability to positively influence your clients. Words have a different influence on the conscious and unconscious levels. For example, using a metaphor is an indirect way of describing a problem or solution. Metaphorical communication speaks more to the unconscious mind while facts speak more to the conscious mind. Learning how to frame metaphors is one way to be more effective when communicating with the unconscious mind.
What is hypnosis?
Keep in mind that how you conceptualize hypnosis has profound implications for how you would consider applying it. Here is a simple definition: Hypnosis is the ability to create a focused, relaxed, learning state that engages the unconscious mind in rapid learning.
A major part of hypnosis is recognizing the signs that someone is going into a relaxed trance state. When people are in this relaxed state, they more easily learn and retain the learning.
What are hypnotic language patterns?
To understand the difference between hypnosis and hypnotic language patterns, think of hypnosis as the actual process of helping someone going into a trance state, while hypnotic language patterns focus attention in a specific way. An example of the latter would be asking someone in pain where they feel most relaxed in their body. This question causes them to focus on relaxation, not pain.
Because a number of my clients are interested in learning how to use language more effectively, I have created several teleclasses to teach patterns that create change. Watch for these and other programs I’ll offer soon to help you achieve more effectiveness in your coaching. Also, look for more posts about this in the future, as I have barely scratched the surface of this phenomenal tool for change and learning.
Another way to really understand the effects of hypnotic language is to experience one of my recordings from the 2012 Belief Breakthrough Series™ Download of the Month Club.
If you have specific questions about how hypnosis could benefit your practice, e-mail me or call 520-237-4435.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
