Archive for challenging beliefs
Use the COACH Model to Work Through Your Struggles with Clients
Posted by: | CommentsA really common problem that coaches talk to me about is their struggle with certain kinds of clients. Some coaches struggle with clients who fail to take action, some with clients who are ambivalent about taking action, and some with clients who want you to do it for them. You may even share some of these struggles.
What is common with all of these clients is that they prompt feelings in us. Usually those feelings are difficult to be with, such as irritation, helplessness, frustration or even anger. Though the specific emotions may differ, what is often consistent from coach to coach is the difficulty we experience with such feelings. So what’s the solution?
One potential and powerful solution is to learn how to be with our own uncomfortable feelings. For this, I would like to offer a model from the work of Robert Dilts and his wife Deborah. It’s called the “COACH” model.
Understanding the COACH Model
COACH is an acronym for Centered, Open-minded attitude and state, Aware (alert and awake), Connected and Holding space. Let’s look at each of these.
What happens when you are centered? When you talk about being centered, you’re usually referring to a state of solidness and confidence, an overall sense of being at peace with yourself. In all of the martial arts, being centered is a prerequisite to being able to do the practice. It is usually felt in the muscles and in the belly. Being centered allows you to operate from your power.
An open-minded attitude makes possible curiosity and understanding. It means you’re able to suspend your own idea of what is so, focusing instead on what is so for your client. Your questions are intended to gather information so you can understand what is going on in your client’s life. Curiosity goes hand-in-hand with this state.
Awareness is a state that goes hand-in-hand with open-mindedness. Awareness requires a focus both inward and outward. It is the ability to notice and track what is going on with you. It is also linked to the state of being centered because centering itself requires setting an intent and having an awareness of how to achieve it. Awareness makes possible connection.
Connection is required to do your best work with your clients. Connection makes possible deep understanding and profound change. Connection is what makes NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) possible, and what makes NLP great is high-level connecting. Without a relationship and without connecting, coaching will suffer and might even be ineffective.
Holding refers to holding a space in which change becomes possible or likely. How many times have you said or heard it said, “I just want to hold a space for them”? You may have also heard clients say, “She held space for me so I was able to look at painful truths.” So there is recognition of the importance of “holding space.”
So what does all of this actually mean? It means that when you learn how to provide the four prerequisites: centered, open, aware and connected, you can create the prime conditions to hold space for your clients, enabling them to explore and discover their own truths, which makes change possible.
This is just an overview of the COACH model. There are some specific exercises and processes that can help you master this more easily. Notice that as your ability to manage your own state increases, change becomes more possible for your clients.
Are you ready to learn to use the COACH model for the sake of your clients?
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I would love to hear how well the COACH Model works for you. Share your feedback and comments below.
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How Beliefs Play in Politics
Posted by: | CommentsRest assured this post will not be about espousing the beliefs of one particular party over the other. What I do want to explain is how well-intentioned people can come up with widely different meanings from the exact same event.
Beliefs themselves are generalizations from experience or experiences. Once a belief is in place, it is sustained by two processes: distortion and deletion. Distortion means that when an event or occurrence is different from the pre-held belief, we go through a process of making a different meaning or coming up with an explanation that fits our pre-existing belief. Deletion happens when something contrary to our beliefs is ignored—it’s as though it never happened. Beliefs rarely are changed by direct confrontation; the opposite is true, for they tend to become more entrenched.
One concrete way we allow deletion to continue is by pre-selecting the kind of information we expose ourselves to. I don’t think it would come as a surprise to anyone that news channels often have a recognized bias. That is equally true with radio outlets, publications, websites, etc. It is unlikely that you will change beliefs if your reading or listening preferences are not challenged.
This plays out in another way also. Political speak on both sides uses words and terms in imprecise ways. For example, you will often hear a politician say, “the American people want ______ (fill in the blank)” as though there is an entity called “American people” that thinks in a unique way. This is particularly interesting when polls often suggest a near-even split about issues.
Words like “always” or “never” go unchallenged, and then there’s the all-time favorite: “everyone knows.” What’s interesting about these patterns is that listeners tend to fill in their own meanings rather than asking for specificity. An example of asking for specificity would be to inquire, “Who specifically knows?”
Another example that can be heard from spokesman on both sides is a variation of “We’re going to take back the country from…” One response to that might be “Take it back from whom, specifically?” or “Take it back how, exactly?” In order for the initial statement to make sense, you have to understand what is presupposed. Somehow the country was “given away” or “taken,” so knowing how specifically one thinks of that helps to create more understanding.
Will reading this cause one to shift beliefs? Unlikely. What it may do is encourage critical thinking. One of the downsides of learning about beliefs is that listening to political speeches becomes a very different experience. I often assign my students the task of listening to debates or political channels so they can catalog and then write appropriate challenges to what they hear. It matters not what channel you choose because there will be plenty of examples to learn from.
So what do you think (specifically)? I welcome your comments below.
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How Can You Help People Move Forward?
Posted by: | CommentsMany subscribers have told me that they really enjoy my newsletter, especially the hints provided in Tips and “How Tos.” This post represents the first of a monthly offering of tips based upon reader questions. If you are not already signed up for my newsletter, you can subscribe here (FREE):
Several subscribers took up the recent challenge to ask me a question. One reader sent this question: “How can you help people move forward rather than creating resistance?”
The quickest way to create cooperation rather than resistance is to make sure that you have a clear agreement about what you’re working on. This is also known as “the goal.” It is important that the goal states what they want, not what they don’t want.
For example, if someone starts with the goal of “I don’t want to be in debt,” that needs to be framed differently. One alternative would be to say that they “want enough income to be able to pay down my debt.” This is much more than a subtle distinction.
Another important part of this process is to ask, “What will happen for you when you achieve this goal?” This question will link you up to what’s really important for a person, which will increase their motivation.
Make sure that you’re using their words and descriptions, not changing the language to fit your ideas of what they want.
Just doing these two things will vastly cut down on a client’s resistance or “stuck-ness.”
As always, let me know how I can help. Just share a limiting-beliefs question that has been challenging you or a client, and I’d be happy to address it here or in a future issue of the newsletter. Call me at 520.237.4435 or e-mail me at Terry@terryhickey.com with your question.
Please feel free to share this tip with anyone you think might enjoy it. When doing so, please forward it in its entirety, including the copyright information and the bio below. Thanks, and enjoy!
About Terry
Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
Check out Terry’s website, http://terryhickey.com/, to find out more about his coaching, Belief Breakthrough Method opportunities and other services. Be sure to download his FREE audio interview: 3 Most Perilous Coaching Mistakes That Will Stop Your Clients in Their Tracks.
The One Question That Immediately Puts You On Track For Results
Posted by: | CommentsIn last month’s article How To Stop Convincing Your Clients To Change—Gather 5 Essential Components of Information That Turbo Charges Change, I described the basic components involved in effective problem-solving.
These five basic components, known by the acronym S.C.O.R.E. (Symptoms, Causes, Outcomes, Resources and Effects) represent the minimum amount of information coaches need to help their clients change and heal:
- Symptoms are typically the most noticeable and conscious aspects of a client’s problem.
- Causes are the underlying elements responsible for creating and maintaining the symptoms.
- Outcomes are the particular goals or desired states that would take the place of the symptoms.
- Resources are the underlying elements responsible for removing the causes of the symptoms and for manifesting and maintaining the desired outcomes.
- Effects are the longer-term results of achieving a particular outcome.
There are specific questions connected to each component that will allow you to understand your client’s perspective. In this article I offer one key question to elicit symptoms from your clients so you can get the “right” information, leading you to take the most effective action.
The one key question for symptoms is this:
In which context do you experience your symptoms?
This question is intended to reveal whether your client experiences the symptom within a specific event or context or whether the symptom is experienced in several contexts. For example, your client may feel nervous only when making presentations. Or your client may feel anxiety across many contexts in relating to people.
If the symptom occurs during a specific event, context-specific resources to build confidence—such as changing how your client pictures the event or adding resources of confidence and enjoyment—may be sufficient.
But if your client feels nervous across many contexts, then the intervention needs to address a “deeper” level within the client. It is likely the client identifies with being a nervous person, and the resources will need to be more robust. Coaches then need interventions to transform the client’s limiting identity and create an identity capable of creating the results the client wants. For example, asking, “Who will you be when this issue is far behind you?” will begin to open your client’s mind and call her/him forward to future possibilities. Sometimes interventions are also needed to relieve limiting childhood events and beliefs.
While training high-level coaches in belief-changing techniques, I have found that a common major error is not discovering the depth of clients’ issues right from the start. This leaves both coach and client disappointed when the suggested actions don’t create immediate results.
This question helps you immediately recognize the depth of the issues and sets you and your client on the most productive track.
So with your next three clients, ask,
In which context do you experience your symptoms?
I would love to hear how well this approach works for you. Share your feedback and comments below.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.http://terryhickey.com/
Using the Belief Change Template for Transformational Change
Posted by: | CommentsI just finished a recent training with David Gordon, one of the world’s best NLP trainers and thinkers. David gave a powerful interactive presentation on what he calls the Belief Change Template. He highlighted in his training that working with limiting beliefs is ALWAYS necessary to maintain important behavioral changes.
Given that beliefs are usually unconscious, how do you discover them? Well, David uses the Belief Change Template to uncover beliefs by exploring and discovering your criteria and how those criteria are expressed and operationalized. Dealing with beliefs at the conscious level (i.e., “just change what you believe” or “just adopt this belief”) is the least effective way to do change work.
He showed us how to do belief change work in a visual fashion so you can actually see the results, and it is in the seeing that the “ah-ha” moments come. David did a live demonstration with an attendee who discovered through the process how one of her criteria “to do it perfect” was so overwhelming that she became paralyzed by inaction—or by too much action. As she saw this in front of her, she realized as an observer what she had been doing to herself.
What David says—and what I believe—is that when someone goes through this process, they can then spontaneously shift a belief and then a behavior or implement a new behavior. Learning how to be good at using the template takes some time, but it is well worth it.
To take your coaching to a higher level, develop a way to help your clients discover limiting unconscious beliefs. If you want to learn more about David’s work in this area explore http://expandyourworld.net/dggd.php.
If you’d like to know more about the Belief Change Template or other approaches for facilitating transformational change, contact me at Terry@terryhickey.com.
Thanks,
Terry Hickey
The Belief Change Alchemist
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
