Archive for belief process
What Should You Do When Your Clients Get Stuck?
Posted by: | CommentsTo answer this question, you need to start with another one: Why is your client stuck?
You need to consider the answer to this from two perspectives—yours and theirs. Discovering the meaning a client is putting on this (being stuck) is insightful. They may not even consider themselves to be stuck. I have found three responses to be helpful at this point.
How to Respond When a Client Is Stuck
First, look at the meaning you are placing on why the client is stuck. The meaning you put on this should determine how you proceed. You think the client is stuck because __________. Unless you step back and fill in the blank, your perspective will determine how you proceed. Assess how you as a coach are responding and consider some of the possibilities: the client isn’t stepping up OR I’m not a good coach OR some good things can come of this.
Sometimes coaches blame the client or themselves for the client being stuck. But if they can say, “This is great. What are we going to do about this?” then they can move the process forward.
There are times when you need to recognize that someone is stuck by fear. Your service then is to support and encourage them through that fear. If they know they’re stuck by fear, you can ask how they want to manage it: “What do you think you need to do to manage this?” or “How do you want me to help you or push you?” and “What’s the best way for me to do that?” When I can get them to this question, then I’ll agree to do what they’ve requested. Once they’ve told me what to do and given me permission to do it, then we can move forward and see how it works.
Some coaches believe they need to hold people accountable and bring forth the best in them, but that may not be the best service for all clients. Sometimes helping clients discover that there’s a good reason they’re stuck might be the best thing you could do for them. There may not be a conscious awareness of this, but by asking the right questions, you can help them uncover the unconscious reasons. For example, take someone who fears that growing her business will take her away from her family, like it did for her father or mother. You could ask, “When did you decide that growing your business means you can’t be with your family?” and “What if we could discover a way that you could grow your business AND be with your family?” After addressing those answers, you might want to move on to delegation.
The second way to respond when a client is stuck is to say, “Teach me how you are experiencing this so I can get stuck the way you are.” Determine how the client is responding to being stuck. Are they truly exploring what they want? Is it because “part of me wants this or that”? Is there a good reason why they aren’t yet getting what they want?
The third way to respond is to recognize that being stuck may be the best thing for the client. It may come from an ecological reason. An ecological premise addresses that what might seem like a good idea logically might not actually be a good idea. It’s the law of unintended consequences. You have to understand that when somebody gets something, the results will be good AND bad. Sometimes success can have unintended consequences that actually create more problems.
To discover if this might be the reason, you can say, “Remind me what it is we are trying to accomplish.” Once you have reviewed that together, try this prompt, “I’m going to assume that we can do this, but will getting what you want cause unintended consequences?”
Here are more questions you can ask at this point: “When you get what you want, what will the consequences be—both good and bad?” and “How will it affect you and the people that you care about?”
As you try to determine why a client is stuck, remember that one size does not fit all. One of the biggest gifts a coach can have is an ability to be flexible with clients.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Should You Learn Hypnosis for Your Coaching Practice?
Posted by: | CommentsThis post comes from questions I have been asked about the utility of hypnosis in a coaching practice. The answer is never a straightforward “Yes” or “No.” It depends upon what kind of coaching practice is involved and what your expectations are in regards to hypnosis.
Are you actively working with clients…
- Who want to learn quickly?
- Who need to address limiting beliefs that are holding them back?
- Or who are struggling with physical or emotional healing issues?
What is it that you think learning hypnosis would do for you and for your clients?
Your answer to this question indicates whether or not you appreciate the potential of adding hypnosis or hypnotic language patterns to you toolbox. If you are interested in increasing your effectiveness, learning to incorporate hypnotic language patterns into the questions you ask, or the feedback you give, will enhance the work you have already done.
This is because hypnosis itself requires really understanding the power of words. Words can be magic: they can create alchemy for progress or create stuck states. If you don’t know how you’re using words, the experiences you create can be hit or miss.
What experiences do want your words to create?
All communication is designed to influence or create an experience. Effective communicators intrinsically understand this. Learning hypnosis is a very effective way to increase your ability to positively influence your clients. Words have a different influence on the conscious and unconscious levels. For example, using a metaphor is an indirect way of describing a problem or solution. Metaphorical communication speaks more to the unconscious mind while facts speak more to the conscious mind. Learning how to frame metaphors is one way to be more effective when communicating with the unconscious mind.
What is hypnosis?
Keep in mind that how you conceptualize hypnosis has profound implications for how you would consider applying it. Here is a simple definition: Hypnosis is the ability to create a focused, relaxed, learning state that engages the unconscious mind in rapid learning.
A major part of hypnosis is recognizing the signs that someone is going into a relaxed trance state. When people are in this relaxed state, they more easily learn and retain the learning.
What are hypnotic language patterns?
To understand the difference between hypnosis and hypnotic language patterns, think of hypnosis as the actual process of helping someone going into a trance state, while hypnotic language patterns focus attention in a specific way. An example of the latter would be asking someone in pain where they feel most relaxed in their body. This question causes them to focus on relaxation, not pain.
Because a number of my clients are interested in learning how to use language more effectively, I have created several teleclasses to teach patterns that create change. Watch for these and other programs I’ll offer soon to help you achieve more effectiveness in your coaching. Also, look for more posts about this in the future, as I have barely scratched the surface of this phenomenal tool for change and learning.
Another way to really understand the effects of hypnotic language is to experience one of my recordings from the 2012 Belief Breakthrough Series™ Download of the Month Club.
If you have specific questions about how hypnosis could benefit your practice, e-mail me or call 520-237-4435.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Making a Difference
Posted by: | CommentsMy friend and tenant Peter Norback inspired this month’s article. I have known Peter for 15 years, and he has lived in our rental house for over 10 years. I want to tell you why he is a hero and an inspiration, not just to me but also to others across the US. His story was even featured recently on United We Serve, the National Service Blog.
What I like about Peter’s project is that he took the question “What can you do for your community?” seriously, came up with an answer and implemented it. Because he has taken on a challenge to improve his community (and more), Peter’s actions remind me of the movie Pay it Forward.
Rather than point out the underlying beliefs that Peter exhibits, check out his post and see what you think: Fighting Hunger One Can A Week. By the way, Peter has influenced several people around the US to accept his challenge. Any takers?
(Beth and I participated for over a year in our neighborhood.)
Additional reading: National Service Blog: United We Serve
I would love to hear what you think about Peter’s project. Share your feedback and comments below.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Listen to Your Gut AND Follow Your Heart
Posted by: | CommentsThis article comes from the March download and is about helping you discover the wisdom of your body. Recent research has confirmed ancient knowledge about the body. We now know that the “gut” contains neuro-transmitters and neuro-connections that are the equivalent of a cat’s brains. In fact, the digestive system has more neurons than the spinal cord and has been called the second brain of the human body.
This remarkable system has the ability to make sense of information from the outside and process it, conveying a sense of “butterflies” when we experience something new, different or exciting. So those of you who “trust your gut” or react to a “gut instinct” are actually tapping into the wisdom in your body.
For those of you who want to “follow your heart” or “live your heart’s desire,” it turns out that the heart itself has an amazing amount of computing power. It has a memory and can process complex emotions, so don’t let people talk you out of following your heart or listening to your heart.
Ultimately, the key is to integrate your gut instincts and your heart’s desire with the ability to think logically. These are all important ways to understand your world experiences, and it is likely that you have developed one more than the others. One is not better than another, just different; so don’t let anyone talk you out of your preferred way of making sense of what’s going on around you. You’re just manifesting a different kind of intelligence.
Neuro-gastroenterologists believe that listening to your stomach can help you strengthen your immune system, and the Institute of HeartMath has been working on ways to tap into the intelligence of the brain and the heart. You can learn more about these topics via the March download and the resources below.
Additional Reading
Basic and Clinical Neurocardiology by J. Andrew Armour and Jeffrey L. Ardell
The Heart’s Code: Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart Energy by Paul Pearsall
The Second Brain: The Scientific Basis of Gut Instinct and a Groundbreaking New Understanding of Nervous Disorders of the Stomach and Intestines by Michael Gershon
Institute of HeartMath
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I would love to hear what you think about this research. Share your feedback and comments below.
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P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Use the COACH Model to Work Through Your Struggles with Clients
Posted by: | CommentsA really common problem that coaches talk to me about is their struggle with certain kinds of clients. Some coaches struggle with clients who fail to take action, some with clients who are ambivalent about taking action, and some with clients who want you to do it for them. You may even share some of these struggles.
What is common with all of these clients is that they prompt feelings in us. Usually those feelings are difficult to be with, such as irritation, helplessness, frustration or even anger. Though the specific emotions may differ, what is often consistent from coach to coach is the difficulty we experience with such feelings. So what’s the solution?
One potential and powerful solution is to learn how to be with our own uncomfortable feelings. For this, I would like to offer a model from the work of Robert Dilts and his wife Deborah. It’s called the “COACH” model.
Understanding the COACH Model
COACH is an acronym for Centered, Open-minded attitude and state, Aware (alert and awake), Connected and Holding space. Let’s look at each of these.
What happens when you are centered? When you talk about being centered, you’re usually referring to a state of solidness and confidence, an overall sense of being at peace with yourself. In all of the martial arts, being centered is a prerequisite to being able to do the practice. It is usually felt in the muscles and in the belly. Being centered allows you to operate from your power.
An open-minded attitude makes possible curiosity and understanding. It means you’re able to suspend your own idea of what is so, focusing instead on what is so for your client. Your questions are intended to gather information so you can understand what is going on in your client’s life. Curiosity goes hand-in-hand with this state.
Awareness is a state that goes hand-in-hand with open-mindedness. Awareness requires a focus both inward and outward. It is the ability to notice and track what is going on with you. It is also linked to the state of being centered because centering itself requires setting an intent and having an awareness of how to achieve it. Awareness makes possible connection.
Connection is required to do your best work with your clients. Connection makes possible deep understanding and profound change. Connection is what makes NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) possible, and what makes NLP great is high-level connecting. Without a relationship and without connecting, coaching will suffer and might even be ineffective.
Holding refers to holding a space in which change becomes possible or likely. How many times have you said or heard it said, “I just want to hold a space for them”? You may have also heard clients say, “She held space for me so I was able to look at painful truths.” So there is recognition of the importance of “holding space.”
So what does all of this actually mean? It means that when you learn how to provide the four prerequisites: centered, open, aware and connected, you can create the prime conditions to hold space for your clients, enabling them to explore and discover their own truths, which makes change possible.
This is just an overview of the COACH model. There are some specific exercises and processes that can help you master this more easily. Notice that as your ability to manage your own state increases, change becomes more possible for your clients.
Are you ready to learn to use the COACH model for the sake of your clients?
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I would love to hear how well the COACH Model works for you. Share your feedback and comments below.
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How Beliefs Play in Politics
Posted by: | CommentsRest assured this post will not be about espousing the beliefs of one particular party over the other. What I do want to explain is how well-intentioned people can come up with widely different meanings from the exact same event.
Beliefs themselves are generalizations from experience or experiences. Once a belief is in place, it is sustained by two processes: distortion and deletion. Distortion means that when an event or occurrence is different from the pre-held belief, we go through a process of making a different meaning or coming up with an explanation that fits our pre-existing belief. Deletion happens when something contrary to our beliefs is ignored—it’s as though it never happened. Beliefs rarely are changed by direct confrontation; the opposite is true, for they tend to become more entrenched.
One concrete way we allow deletion to continue is by pre-selecting the kind of information we expose ourselves to. I don’t think it would come as a surprise to anyone that news channels often have a recognized bias. That is equally true with radio outlets, publications, websites, etc. It is unlikely that you will change beliefs if your reading or listening preferences are not challenged.
This plays out in another way also. Political speak on both sides uses words and terms in imprecise ways. For example, you will often hear a politician say, “the American people want ______ (fill in the blank)” as though there is an entity called “American people” that thinks in a unique way. This is particularly interesting when polls often suggest a near-even split about issues.
Words like “always” or “never” go unchallenged, and then there’s the all-time favorite: “everyone knows.” What’s interesting about these patterns is that listeners tend to fill in their own meanings rather than asking for specificity. An example of asking for specificity would be to inquire, “Who specifically knows?”
Another example that can be heard from spokesman on both sides is a variation of “We’re going to take back the country from…” One response to that might be “Take it back from whom, specifically?” or “Take it back how, exactly?” In order for the initial statement to make sense, you have to understand what is presupposed. Somehow the country was “given away” or “taken,” so knowing how specifically one thinks of that helps to create more understanding.
Will reading this cause one to shift beliefs? Unlikely. What it may do is encourage critical thinking. One of the downsides of learning about beliefs is that listening to political speeches becomes a very different experience. I often assign my students the task of listening to debates or political channels so they can catalog and then write appropriate challenges to what they hear. It matters not what channel you choose because there will be plenty of examples to learn from.
So what do you think (specifically)? I welcome your comments below.
P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How Can You Help People Move Forward?
Posted by: | CommentsMany subscribers have told me that they really enjoy my newsletter, especially the hints provided in Tips and “How Tos.” This post represents the first of a monthly offering of tips based upon reader questions. If you are not already signed up for my newsletter, you can subscribe here (FREE):
Several subscribers took up the recent challenge to ask me a question. One reader sent this question: “How can you help people move forward rather than creating resistance?”
The quickest way to create cooperation rather than resistance is to make sure that you have a clear agreement about what you’re working on. This is also known as “the goal.” It is important that the goal states what they want, not what they don’t want.
For example, if someone starts with the goal of “I don’t want to be in debt,” that needs to be framed differently. One alternative would be to say that they “want enough income to be able to pay down my debt.” This is much more than a subtle distinction.
Another important part of this process is to ask, “What will happen for you when you achieve this goal?” This question will link you up to what’s really important for a person, which will increase their motivation.
Make sure that you’re using their words and descriptions, not changing the language to fit your ideas of what they want.
Just doing these two things will vastly cut down on a client’s resistance or “stuck-ness.”
As always, let me know how I can help. Just share a limiting-beliefs question that has been challenging you or a client, and I’d be happy to address it here or in a future issue of the newsletter. Call me at 520.237.4435 or e-mail me at Terry@terryhickey.com with your question.
Please feel free to share this tip with anyone you think might enjoy it. When doing so, please forward it in its entirety, including the copyright information and the bio below. Thanks, and enjoy!
About Terry
Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
Check out Terry’s website, http://terryhickey.com/, to find out more about his coaching, Belief Breakthrough Method opportunities and other services. Be sure to download his FREE audio interview: 3 Most Perilous Coaching Mistakes That Will Stop Your Clients in Their Tracks.
