Archive for Coaching Tips

Mar
11

Experience a Day of Transformation!

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Belief Breakthrough Method™

Day of Transformation

March 21, 2013 in San Francisco

9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Are you ready to…

  • Experience remarkable shifts in your core money and success beliefs to create the life and business you’ve dreamed of?
  • Serve yourself and your clients at a higher level?

Then join me for an exciting day of business and personal growth! This intimate small group experience (with a maximum of 10 people) is designed to help you experience this by breaking through the personal barriers holding you back.

I hear from clients, coaches and wellness entrepreneurs every day about how their unconscious, hidden inner struggles prevent them from capitalizing on all their training investments. They feel defeated and perplexed when they don’t reach the financial benchmarks and the audience they have so carefully planned for. This frustration happens at every level of business as entrepreneurs endure ever-expanding challenges. They experience success, but know they are capable of much more. Something stops them.

At worst, entrepreneurs may begin to give up on their dreams, give up on believing they “have what it takes” to share their messages with the world. They hurt. And they think it’s their fault. They are wrong.

You can have all the how-tos, tips and strategies—and even know exactly what to say and when—and still get stuck when it comes to the success you envision.

Why? Because it’s not just about the how-to!

Creating the life and business of your dreams is an inside job. Without a clear idea of your hidden limiting money and success mindsets and beliefs—and the ability to change them—all of the how-tos and strategies can fall flat.

This Day of Transformation is about uncovering YOUR personal mindset blocks—the emotional barriers that keep you discounting, undercharging, doubting yourself and more—and then eliminating them.

When your “inner game,” or success mindset, is aligned with your outer game, the “how-to” of X, you’ll be amazed at how quickly money flows into your life and business with ease and grace.

Changing limiting beliefs requires up close and personal attention, not available in conference settings, larger mastermind groups or do-it-yourself programs. Because of my 40 years of study and expertise, I can help you quickly identify and change the key obstacles to your success.

Plus, a one-size-fits-all approach never captures your true magic. By co-creating with me, your unique strengths are illuminated so you tap into your core beliefs, values and who you need to be to realize the future you’ve imagined.

Step up and act on this affordable opportunity so you…

  • Banish your deflating self-doubts
  • Create money-inspiring beliefs
  • Gain confidence by standing firmly in your value and power
  • Break out of old perspectives that stand between you and your goals
  • Inspire your clients by creating genuine excitement in yourself

What you’ll get:

  • A Day of Transformation featuring an intensive small-group experience AND individual coaching with me
  • A Belief Breakthrough Pre-Retreat Assessment to identify your desired money and success goals and target what is stopping you
  • The support of like-minded coaches and wellness entrepreneurs

Be one of the first 5 to register, and you’ll receive my CD Hypnotic Recordings for Confidence, Wealth and Purpose, sessions that work in harmony with your unconscious mind to change limiting beliefs.

Register Now!

Join Terry, Master NLP Practitioner and Trainer and Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™ acclaimed by 6- and 7-figure coaches, for this exciting day of business and personal growth!

Call Terry at 520.237.4435 if you have any questions about this opportunity.

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Feb
26

How to Create Lasting Changes by Applying Systems Thinking to Your Beliefs

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“A decision is only as good as the processes used to produce it.”

This idea is the basis for Einstein’s premise that you cannot solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that got you into it.

You can gain more insight into your beliefs and ways of acting by applying systems thinking to your own system of thinking, because our beliefs are themselves a system. Yes, that’s a little confusing, so I’ll say it again, “You can gain more insight into your beliefs and ways of acting by applying systems thinking to your own system of thinking, because our beliefs are themselves a system.”

Mental Models

We have habitual ways of thinking that we fall into time and again. Our beliefs underlie how we approach problems, what we even think problems mean, and the kinds of solutions we’re willing to consider. This overall way of understanding our thinking is referred to as mental models: mental because they exist in our minds and motivate our actions; models because we construct them from our overall experiences.

Mental models are common—everyone has them. Our early learning, our experiences, our overall “map of the world” forms the basis for these models. These in turn form our beliefs as we apply them to real life. We form them. We hold onto them. They are ours. We even talk about “having beliefs” or “adopting beliefs” or “acquiring beliefs.” We will defend them from attack. We also talk about holding them or even abandoning them. When we do abandon a belief, it’s gone for good, and there the void that remains needs to be filled by another belief.

Processes That Keep You Stuck

Our mental models are personal and deep rooted, and they predispose us to act in certain ways. That’s why it’s often difficult to learn from mistakes because oftentimes what may be called a mistake is actually “justified” based upon our particular models. We mistake our view for reality—because in our mind, it is.

So, how can you use this? If you continue to experience similar difficulties or problems, you must consider this: “What are the underlying beliefs that are getting you—and keeping you—stuck?”

One way to think about it is that we create blind spots. This is the phenomenon of deletion. We are selective about what we notice. Based upon what we notice, we form ideas and take action. There’s a plethora of information that we fail to pay attention to. Sometimes adopting a new form of self questioning, like “What am I failing to consider?” presupposes that there is information out that that you haven’t noticed, and the question itself will open you up to considering that other information.

The opposite of the blind spot is the idea of constructing meaning from something that isn’t there. Your mind will make meaning out of a gibberish sentence or misspelling because it knows what should or ought to be there. For instance, just because someone questions us, we might assume that they don’t like us. This assumption was probably formed long ago, and there may be no basis for it, but we act as if it were true. We may continue acting this way, as if that were true, rather than challenging that assumption.

The next part of the mental model that is problematic is distortion. Distortion is how we change our experience—emphasizing some parts and discounting others. It can even be the basis of creativity or paranoia. When we distort events, we give weight to some experiences more than others. For example, many gamblers continue to believe they can and will win, despite the fact that they keep losing. Their minds reframe the losses as near wins. Another example is jealousy. A jealous person can distort all sorts of everyday events into painful, threatening possibilities.

Finally, there’s generalization. We create all of our mental models by taking experiences and making them represent groups. For example, a child witnesses how his father treats his mother and can generalize from this experience how men should treat women. One of the problems is that once we generalize, we can become blinded to other possibilities. For example, someone may generalize from an earlier coaching experience that didn’t work out and decide that coaching doesn’t work.

Taken all together, these mental models—deletions, distortion and generalization—are the basis of our learning and creativity and all of our beliefs, including the ones that serve us well. From a systems viewpoint, we want to be able to examine how these four principles combine and how they reinforce. They are the loops that keep the system in place.

The implication for all of this is that you have to be able to step back and begin to notice how your system is working. As is often said in earlier writings, if you change one belief within a system, that may not be enough because a system, by definition, is made up of many reinforcing and supporting elements. It will usually not suffice to just change one part of a system.

This article was inspired by The Art of Systems Thinking: Essential Skills for Creativity by Joseph O’Connor and Ian McDermott.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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Jan
11

Achieve Your Goals by Setting Well-Formed Outcomes

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What I want to accomplish in this post is to explain how you can achieve the goals you want while attending to the conditions necessary to do so. In yesterday’s post, Have You Set SMART Goals?, I described the SMART conditions necessary to achieve goals. One you have described the goal, this Outcomes process will ensure that you achieve your goal.

Well-formedness conditions are the set of conditions your outcome must satisfy in order to produce an effective and ecological result. A particular goal is considered “well-formed” if it meets the following conditions.

A well-formed goal can be…

  1. Stated in positive terms.
  2. Defined and evaluated according to sensory-based evidence.
  1. Initiated and maintained by the person who desires the goal.
  1. Made to preserve the positive by-products of the present state.
  2. Appropriately contextualized to fit the ecology of the surrounding system.

Goals should be stated in positive terms, for the unconscious mind does not understand a goal stated in the negative. So a goal like “I don’t want to be broke” or “I don’t want to be sick” would need to be changed into what someone does want. Try asking a question like this: “If you weren’t broke, what would you want instead?” It’s easier to motivate yourself towards a positive outcome.

Next, you must be able to measure the outcome against a destination or benchmark. So ask something like this: “What will let you know you are moving towards your goal?” (This also implies knowing when you are not moving towards your goal.) You can flesh it out further by asking yourself or a client, “What will you see, hear and feel when you have achieved your outcome?” Get information that is as specific as possible.

Make sure that the achievement of the goal depends on what you do, not on what someone else has control over. For example, if you say, “I want my boss to respect me,” that is not in your control. If you were coaching someone in this instance, you could ask, “What would your boss be doing if he were respecting you?” The response to that could then lead to asking how your client might behave to get the desired response.

Keep in mind the idea that all behaviors have a positive benefit in some context. For this example, consider someone who wants to stop smoking. It turns out that for this person, smoking helped manage stress. Unless the new behavior includes a way to manage stress, the original positive by-products will not be maintained. Missing this can result in what many people label as self-sabotage. This is where thinking systemically is helpful.

Lastly, you want to explore the areas of context and ecology. By context I mean looking at the areas you want the outcome in. Sometimes you might mark out the goal as absolute, using words like always or in all areas. Consider that in some areas an old behavior might still serve you, and in some contexts a new behavior might actually be a problem. To assess this, ask questions like, “Will getting this outcome be a problem for anyone else?” or “Could having this outcome be a problem for me (or you, in the case of a client) in any way?” Achieving a new financial goal might potentially cause alienation in a family. If you become very successful, a partner might feel threatened. Asking the right questions teases these issues out so they can be planned for.

Now you have several ways to check your goals… and your clients’ goals. Using this process in conjunction with the SMART process should make your goal setting much more successful.

Good luck in 2013, and may you achieve what your heart desires!

I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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Jan
10

Have You Set SMART Goals?

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Here’s a helpful process for setting goals. This tip is longer than usual, but I think you’ll find it to be well worth your time.

I want you to distinguish between states and goals or outcomes. A state, like happiness or confidence, is somewhat nebulous; it’s also something that you don’t have to wait for—you can actually have it right now. A goal, on the other hand, is very tangible. For instance, you might say you want to earn $100,000 in 2013, and that is something you can measure. At the end of 2013, you will know if you have achieved that or not.

A mistake people often make is to say things like “When I achieve my financial goals, then I can feel secure” or “When I lose this weight, I can then feel happy.” You can have those feelings right now—you don’t actually have to wait. With goals or outcomes, however, there has to be an element of time involved and actions taken. Goals are quantifiable. States are infinite—they can be stated for yourself or for others. You can be happy for yourself and decide to feel happy for someone else or for their accomplishments. Goals can only be set for yourself, not for others.

Notice I said states are achievable by you at any time. However, you may not know how to achieve a particular state. That may be something you need to be shown, or you may have to learn how.

If you are lacking a goal or outcome, you may not yet have a strategy or know the steps required to get there. Also if you do not have a sufficient level of belief about your ability to achieve a goal, then it is unlikely that you will do so. The higher your level of belief is, the higher your motivation to take decisive action.

Another belief plays a factor in your goals: believing that the effort you will need to expend is worth the result or the goal. If you have ever had 100% certainty that you could achieve a goal, and you believed the effort was 100% worth it, then you achieved it. Of course the goal also has to satisfy certain other factors or criteria, such as being in your control. For example, you might have set a goal to get a raise at work but still not have gotten it because of factors beyond your control. You might have more control over sales or production, and you could set goals accordingly.

The reason to have goals is to give direction to your life. Your unconscious mind requires directions—it needs to be told what to do and what to focus on. Goals will provide consistent instructions on where to go in life. If you do not set goals, your unconscious mind won’t know what you want, and who knows what it will come up with. That is also why goals need to be framed in the positive, stating what you want, not what you don’t want.

There is a specific way to express goals that will increase your success in achieving goals. This comes by way of an acronym called S. M. A. R. T.

S stands for specific and simple. If you set a goal like “I want more money,” that’s not specific enough. You need to specify how much more, and you need to specify the time frame. Simple speaks to not making it overly complex, or having too much detail. However, you will need enough details to create clarity for your unconscious mind.

M stands for measurable and meaningful. If you don’t have a way to measure your goal, it may not actually be a goal. There has to be a way to determine whether you achieved it or not. Also, is it meaningful to you? Does it give you passion? Is it something you really want? Is it juicy? Remember, if someone else sets it for you, it may be meaningful to them but not necessarily to you. Sometimes in coaching programs you may be encouraged to set financial goals that are meaningful to your coach but not necessarily to you. Sometimes your goal may end up benefiting others but is specifically for you. An example of this is raising money for charity. If you’re passionate about that charity, you will benefit from achieving that goal.

A stands for all areas of life. It is expressed as if they are already happening. Present tense is better than future tense. For example, “It’s December 31, 2013, and my business generated $100,000 in coaching revenue this year.”

R stands for realistic and responsible. Now it’s important ask realistic to whom or responsible according to what, but it also helps to just notice what your track record for setting goals has been. If you’re pretty good at it and have had a lot of success, then you should set more difficult or challenging goals. If you’re newer to goal setting or haven’t had really good track records in the past, then being realistic may mean setting goals that are somewhat easier to achieve—unless, of course, you’ve been able to increase your beliefs about your ability to succeed. Remember that your definition of realistic depends on your own experience, not someone else’s. (This is also an opportunity for you to notice your beliefs about what is realistic.)

As for responsible, there are three questions you can ask yourself to determine if your goal or goals are responsible: 1. Is it safe for me? 2. Is it safe for others? 3. Is it safe for the environment or the planet? If you get a “Yes” to all three, then most likely it is a responsible goal. Furthermore, it’s helpful that your goal satisfy the requirements of being ecological—that is to say that it will not create problems in other areas of your life. Just ask yourself, “Will getting this goal create problems in any other important areas of my life?”

When setting goals make sure you address all the important areas of your life, such as health, relationships, business, spirituality or any other area that is significant to you. You may have seen illustrated “wheels of life” divided into segments to identify areas deemed most significant. When you actually look at goals in all of these areas, you can also notice where there might be potential conflict between these important areas.

T stands for Timed and Toward. Be precise about time, specifying day, month, year and sometimes even clock time. Remember also that it’s important to specify as though you are in the present tense. So you might say, “It’s December 31, 2013, and I am looking at my bank balance of $1 million.” Toward means describing what you want in a positive manner, an expression of what you want not what you don’t want.

Running your goals through this SMART process should make them achievable. Use the comments section below to let me know how it goes.

In the follow-up post tomorrow, we’ll take a look at what I call the well-formed outcome, which will help you carry out processes and steps necessary to achieve your goals.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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Nov
28

Looking for a Mentor… or Ready to Be One?

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Many of you in the coaching world have heard successful coaches talk about their mentor or mentors. The story these coaches tell is of how their mentors have helped them grow or evolve. They strongly suggest they would not be where they are today if it had not been for the input and support of their mentors. It’s hard to listen to a successful businessman without hearing a similar story.

What do mentors do? A mentor’s goal is “to establish, strengthen and align empowering values and beliefs, often through their own examples.”* Most of these successful coaches and business people chose mentors who modeled or represented what they wanted or desired.

It’s fairly common to hear such high-end coaches offer to be mentors themselves. Now what’s interesting is that not everyone who could be a mentor actually turns out to be good at mentoring. Why? Because to be good at mentoring, mentors need to have beliefs in place that support mentoring.

My thinking about mentors and mentoring has been influenced by Robert Dilts. Actually, I think of Robert as one of my mentors. Robert suggests that successful mentors operate from the following beliefs:

  • When people want something and believe in it enough, they will find a way to make it happen.
  • The most important thing I can do is to help people believe in themselves and value what they are doing.
  • At their core, all people are positively intended. Having appropriate values and beliefs is the foundation for being able to express our positive intentions in the most effective and ecological manner.
  • With advice and attention from me, this person will be able to naturally establish empowering beliefs and appropriate values.
  • One of the best ways to advise others is by being an effective role model.

It is hard to separate leadership from mentoring. The leadership style associated with mentoring is that of inspirational leadership. Inspiring others involves motivating and encouraging them to do and be their best. Both mentoring and inspirational leadership emphasize values and empowering beliefs in future possibilities.

You can see that selecting a mentor or serving as a mentor requires you to understand your own beliefs and values. I think you can also see how important it is for potential mentors to be congruent with their own values and beliefs.

I hope this information will encourage you to be careful about selecting your mentors as well as developing your own mentoring abilities, for I believe that mentoring is one of the most important roles you can take on as a successful coach.

* From Coach to Awakener, Robert Dilts, Meta Publications, 2003 (pp. 133-134).

I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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Oct
24

Destiny Alignment: Powerfully Express Who You Are

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As I mentioned above, it can be difficult to know when you are expressing or fully engaging your true self. I would like to help you connect with and operate from your true self because it will allow you to be more congruent and, as a result, have a greater impact.

You’ve probably heard people say things like “I wasn’t being myself” or “That’s not really who I am” or some other statement that implies there is another self, a false self or an unreal self. What is it about this statement that makes intrinsic sense? I propose it’s the idea that we have a true self that is somehow known to us.

When you start thinking of the idea of your true self, it may be better to think about your true selves, because we actually create several selves. What is useful is recognizing which self serves you in pursuit of your values. It is important to find what is enjoyable, interesting, pleasing, etc. Having a sense of self makes it possible to have a self-concept.

Developing a self-concept that is true to what is important to you is what effectively supports you in achieving your goals.

I have been particularly interested in this theme because it often emerges when I am coaching. Many of my clients have discovered that as children or young people they took on or adopted a self that someone else wanted for them, rather than allowing who they were to truly emerge. Would it surprise you to understand or discover that sometimes people play small so that others around them can be more comfortable and relaxed?

One way to understand the phenomenon of a clear self-concept is to recognize that when you are congruent with who you truly are, you move through the world with a great deal of clarity and power.

I want you to discover your true self and purpose so that you can be doing the kind of work that truly fits you and lets you feel good about yourself. People who don’t think well of themselves usually don’t attempt very much, and if they don’t attempt very much, they won’t accomplish much. So being able to identify who you truly are in different contexts will allow you to congruently take action, letting you be more productive and do things you enjoy more—rather than what you think you should do.

The process of discovering who you truly are can take some effort. I believe it is best done with guidance and support. I suspect, however, that you have already had some clues about being on the right path of discovery. Are there certain activities that just seem right? Are there ones that make your heart sing when you are doing them? Are there some that just feel right to your gut? If so, that is the feedback that you are on the right path. If you have not yet had that experience, then you owe it to yourself to discover your true calling and destiny.

I would love to hear what you think about this. Please share your feedback and comments below.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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Oct
03

Implement the Training You’ve Already Had

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Many coaches have had lots of training, but there’s a point at which the key is in implementing what they’ve already learned, not just taking more training.

When I was talking to Tim Hallbom, an NLP Trainer, he mentioned that sometimes people aren’t clear about their criteria for knowing when they’ve learned something. That’s why you’ll often see people taking lots of training without implementation.

You need to implement what you’ve learned.

Like I said in my last tip (in the September issue of Belief Change Alchemy), “One thing all successful entrepreneurs have in common is their ability to take action.” You must implement.

If you tend to be a perfectionist, keep Dan Kennedy’s words in mind: Good enough is good enough! Don’t get bogged down in the details. Just be sure you have a way to measure what you’ve implemented, so if it doesn’t work, you can adjust.

For your sake and the sake of your business, take action!

As always, let me know how I can help. Just share a limiting-beliefs question that has been challenging you or a client, and I’d be happy to address it here or in a future issue of the newsletter. Call me at 520.237.4435 or e-mail me at Terry@terryhickey.com with your question.

Please feel free to share this tip with anyone you think might enjoy it. When doing so, please forward it in its entirety, including the copyright information and the bio below. Thanks, and enjoy!

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.

Check out Terry’s website, www.TerryHickey.com, to find out more about his coaching, Belief Breakthrough Method opportunities and other services. Be sure to download his FREE audio interview: 3 Most Perilous Coaching Mistakes That Will Stop Your Clients in Their Tracks.

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Sep
19

Identifying Successful Healing Templates

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I recently attended a reunion of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) health certification graduates. During our meeting we worked on a project to discover healing templates using a process that involved interviewing each other about a successful healing. We sought to determine what “successful” meant to each individual, and we also discussed healings that did not go so well.

Healing Goals

The interview process attempted to tease out all the factors that go into healing. We started by asking about goals and what each person attempted to do through healing. We looked at the various ways people approach healing. In successful healings the goals were often expressed in the positive, or they began as an interest in avoiding something—like pain—but ended up as an expression of something wanted, such as achieving mobility.

Sometimes the goals were not specific enough, with a failure to describe healing as a representation that could be expressed and measured. In some cases the goals weren’t specific enough.

Healing Questions

Next we attempted to discover the “core healing” question. These are questions that can serve as a guiding light, providing opportunities to more forward, such as “What do I need to know to take effective action?” or “What message does this healing have for me?”

These core questions were necessary to activate or encourage the healing process. Some people were very conscious of asking these questions themselves, but for others they had to be elicited through questioning. Even in those cases the core questions were recognized as operating at an unconscious level.

The core questions often provided answers that allowed actions to be taken. They were empowering questions rather than questions that tended to disempower or even victimize. The contrast between healings that worked and healings that didn’t work provided this information. In successful healing processes the question tended to be asked in an empowered or curious voice. The questions had presuppositions that supported or encouraged curiosity or action, or they presupposed answers that some action of healing could be taken.

Healing Beliefs

In other words, the people who experienced successful healings had held very strong beliefs that not only was healing possible but also that their own healing was possible. Because of these beliefs, the primary state that people tended to operate from was one of curiosity or possibility. When they did ask questions of themselves, the answers to their questions provided courses of action. People gathered more information, set intentions and in general got help, especially by creating a healing team. Rarely did people go it alone; asking for help was seen as positive and created a sense of community or the idea of a healing team.

The templates created from these interviews revealed several specific patterns utilized to accomplish healing. Almost all of them included beliefs of empowerment, possibility and “deservability.” The beliefs themselves tended to suggest actions. In the examples of not healing well, the beliefs tended to be disempowering and were more likely to create a sense of apathy or helplessness.

Healing Criteria

As you might expect by now, successful healing criteria tended to support beliefs of healing and tended to be the kind of criteria that insured action and motivation.

A Successful Healing Template

In summary, the successful healing stories had many commonalities. At their foundation were powerful beliefs of possibility, capability and deservability. These beliefs allowed for questions that presupposed healing. There was an almost universal sense that the individual was in charge of the healing, yet each sought out a healing team of several members rather than going it alone. Strategies for healing tended to be multifaceted and almost always included a strong mental or emotional component. A significant amount of exploration or research often accompanied the healing. There was usually a strong tendency to let one’s own criteria describe how healing was taking place in addition to a willingness to check external criteria, like blood work indicators, for feedback.

These characteristics represent a generalized successful healing template. If you are facing a healing crisis, look to these commonalities—of healing goals, questions, beliefs and criteria—as indicators of what has been helpful in others’ healing. If you are working with someone who is struggling with healing, you may discover that they’re missing one of these components, and they can add that to their strategy for healing.

I would be happy to speak with anyone—you or your clients—who is facing a healing crisis and share what I’ve learned.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

Categories : Coaching Tips
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Jun
22

What Should You Do When Your Clients Get Stuck?

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To answer this question, you need to start with another one: Why is your client stuck?

You need to consider the answer to this from two perspectives—yours and theirs. Discovering the meaning a client is putting on this (being stuck) is insightful. They may not even consider themselves to be stuck. I have found three responses to be helpful at this point.

How to Respond When a Client Is Stuck

First, look at the meaning you are placing on why the client is stuck. The meaning you put on this should determine how you proceed. You think the client is stuck because __________. Unless you step back and fill in the blank, your perspective will determine how you proceed. Assess how you as a coach are responding and consider some of the possibilities: the client isn’t stepping up OR I’m not a good coach OR some good things can come of this.

Sometimes coaches blame the client or themselves for the client being stuck. But if they can say, “This is great. What are we going to do about this?” then they can move the process forward.

There are times when you need to recognize that someone is stuck by fear. Your service then is to support and encourage them through that fear. If they know they’re stuck by fear, you can ask how they want to manage it: “What do you think you need to do to manage this?” or “How do you want me to help you or push you?” and “What’s the best way for me to do that?” When I can get them to this question, then I’ll agree to do what they’ve requested. Once they’ve told me what to do and given me permission to do it, then we can move forward and see how it works.

Some coaches believe they need to hold people accountable and bring forth the best in them, but that may not be the best service for all clients. Sometimes helping clients discover that there’s a good reason they’re stuck might be the best thing you could do for them. There may not be a conscious awareness of this, but by asking the right questions, you can help them uncover the unconscious reasons. For example, take someone who fears that growing her business will take her away from her family, like it did for her father or mother. You could ask, “When did you decide that growing your business means you can’t be with your family?” and “What if we could discover a way that you could grow your business AND be with your family?” After addressing those answers, you might want to move on to delegation.

The second way to respond when a client is stuck is to say, “Teach me how you are experiencing this so I can get stuck the way you are.” Determine how the client is responding to being stuck. Are they truly exploring what they want? Is it because “part of me wants this or that”? Is there a good reason why they aren’t yet getting what they want?

The third way to respond is to recognize that being stuck may be the best thing for the client. It may come from an ecological reason. An ecological premise addresses that what might seem like a good idea logically might not actually be a good idea. It’s the law of unintended consequences. You have to understand that when somebody gets something, the results will be good AND bad. Sometimes success can have unintended consequences that actually create more problems.

To discover if this might be the reason, you can say, “Remind me what it is we are trying to accomplish.” Once you have reviewed that together, try this prompt, “I’m going to assume that we can do this, but will getting what you want cause unintended consequences?”

Here are more questions you can ask at this point: “When you get what you want, what will the consequences be—both good and bad?” and “How will it affect you and the people that you care about?”

As you try to determine why a client is stuck, remember that one size does not fit all. One of the biggest gifts a coach can have is an ability to be flexible with clients.

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

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May
23

Should You Learn Hypnosis for Your Coaching Practice?

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This post comes from questions I have been asked about the utility of hypnosis in a coaching practice.  The answer is never a straightforward “Yes” or “No.” It depends upon what kind of coaching practice is involved and what your expectations are in regards to hypnosis.

Are you actively working with clients… 

  • Who want to learn quickly?
  • Who need to address limiting beliefs that are holding them back?
  • Or who are struggling with physical or emotional healing issues?

What is it that you think learning hypnosis would do for you and for your clients? 

Your answer to this question indicates whether or not you appreciate the potential of adding hypnosis or hypnotic language patterns to you toolbox. If you are interested in increasing your effectiveness, learning to incorporate hypnotic language patterns into the questions you ask, or the feedback you give, will enhance the work you have already done. 

This is because hypnosis itself requires really understanding the power of words. Words can be magic: they can create alchemy for progress or create stuck states. If you don’t know how you’re using words, the experiences you create can be hit or miss.

What experiences do want your words to create?

All communication is designed to influence or create an experience. Effective communicators intrinsically understand this. Learning hypnosis is a very effective way to increase your ability to positively influence your clients. Words have a different influence on the conscious and unconscious levels. For example, using a metaphor is an indirect way of describing a problem or solution. Metaphorical communication speaks more to the unconscious mind while facts speak more to the conscious mind. Learning how to frame metaphors is one way to be more effective when communicating with the unconscious mind.

What is hypnosis?

Keep in mind that how you conceptualize hypnosis has profound implications for how you would consider applying it. Here is a simple definition: Hypnosis is the ability to create a focused, relaxed, learning state that engages the unconscious mind in rapid learning.

A major part of hypnosis is recognizing the signs that someone is going into a relaxed trance state. When people are in this relaxed state, they more easily learn and retain the learning.

What are hypnotic language patterns?

To understand the difference between hypnosis and hypnotic language patterns, think of hypnosis as the actual process of helping someone going into a trance state, while hypnotic language patterns focus attention in a specific way. An example of the latter would be asking someone in pain where they feel most relaxed in their body. This question causes them to focus on relaxation, not pain.

Because a number of my clients are interested in learning how to use language more effectively, I have created several teleclasses to teach patterns that create change. Watch for these and other programs I’ll offer soon to help you achieve more effectiveness in your coaching. Also, look for more posts about this in the future, as I have barely scratched the surface of this phenomenal tool for change and learning.

Another way to really understand the effects of hypnotic language is to experience one of my recordings from the 2012 Belief Breakthrough Series™ Download of the Month Club.

If you have specific questions about how hypnosis could benefit your practice, e-mail me or call 520-237-4435.

 

P.S. Do you want to share this post? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.

About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/

Categories : Coaching Tips
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