Archive for Beliefs
Harnessing the Fear That Comes from Stepping Up to a Higher Level
Posted by: | CommentsSo you’ve set in place that new program, new product, new service or new launch that’s designed to take your business to the next level. At first you’re proud of yourself, but then you begin to focus on what you might do wrong…
- You micro-analyze your performance in the teleclass you just did, complaining that even though you had 100 participants, you should have had 200.
- You begin wondering if the right person is going to show up for your call or your offering.
- You worry that you haven’t priced it right and they can’t afford it.
- You tell yourself you should have said this instead of that.
Soon you discover that you’re having trouble sleeping—or you’re waking up anxious. Because of your fear you stop taking specific actions like calling a potential client or following up on expected tasks and e-mails. You even start missing deadlines.
Does this sound like you?
If so, rest assured that you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re actually right on target. The good news is that with the appropriate approach, such fear can be the key to great success.
There are three things you can do to transform your fear and reap success.
- Recognize that you’re only having this fear because you’re stretching yourself. Stepping up to a higher level requires you to stretch and experience the discomfort that comes with trying something new in order to get what you want. People who don’t stretch won’t feel this. Instead, they’ll experience the regret of not gaining what they want because they haven’t pushed themselves
- Transform fearful questions into empowering ones. Pay attention to the kind of questions you’ve been asking yourself and discover what you need to ask yourself instead. For example…
- Don’t ask yourself “Why aren’t more people showing up for my teleclass?”Instead, you need to ask, “What number of people do I want to show up, and how can I make that happen?”
- Likewise, don’t say, “What if the right person doesn’t show up?”Rather, you should ask, “Who is the ideal person for the program, and what would make them want to come?”
The answers to these new questions reveal the action steps you need to take.
- Recognize your comparisons. Think about who you are comparing yourself to when you think you’re not doing enough—or not doing the right thing.
- Using the teleclass mentioned earlier as an example, if it had 100 participants and you felt it should have had 200, ask yourself, “According to whom or what standards?”You’ll probably find that you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s already doing better than you because they have more experience. Think about how they got where they are and recognize that it’s natural to compare yourself to those who are already doing better. When not used to judge yourself, such comparisons can serve to motivate, which can lessen anxiety.
- Look at your own growth. As a more useful comparative, notice what you have done since last month or last year. Recognize how much you’ve accomplished over time.
Keep in mind that while some fear can be good, too much can create paralysis. So put your fears to work for you, and step up to a higher level with confidence!
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Are You Being Your Real Self?
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I just finished my introductory letter about this month’s hypnotic download program. In researching material for this product I perused Transforming Your Self: Becoming Who You Want to Be
The idea of the true self or authentic self is very common. What’s less common is knowing when you are expressing or fully engaging your true self. Steve suggests this and shows several ways for you to connect with and operate from your true self. It stands to reason, doesn’t it, that when you are connecting in this way, you will be more congruent and have more impact on the world?
You have heard people say things like, “I wasn’t being myself” or “That’s not really who I am” or some other statement that implies there is another self, a false self or an unreal self. What is it that makes this statement make intrinsic sense? I propose it’s the idea that we have a true self that is somehow known to us.
Steve illustrates in many ways that this is so. He suggests processes for readers that allow us to discover how our brain codes experiences. He is able to systematically describe and make possible these discoveries through the experiences he recommends, allowing you to make your own discoveries. Then he illustrates the principles, many of which seem to be universals that actually allow not only learning but also change.
He expands on the idea of your true self, explaining that it’s better to think about your real selves, because we actually create several selves. It is useful to know which self serves you in pursuit of your values. It is important to find what is enjoyable, interesting and pleasing, etc. Having a self makes it possible to have a self-concept. Developing a self-concept that is true to what is important to you is what effectively supports you in your life goals.
I have been particularly interested in this theme of the true self because it often emerges when I am coaching. Many clients discover that as children or young people they took on or adopted a self that someone else wanted for them rather than allowing who they were to truly emerge. One way to understand this phenomenon is to recognize that when we are congruent with who we truly are, we move through the world with a great deal of clarity and power. Would it surprise you to discover that sometimes people play “small” so that others around them can be more comfortable and relaxed?
This phenomenon implies that one of your challenges is to be comfortable with your “selves” and stop shutting down or minimizing your power and clarity so that others can be comfortable. We may discover just the opposite—many people actually prefer us to be in our power. It might be better to say that we need to allow ourselves to be who we truly are and discover what emerges from that decision, rather than choosing to make someone else comfortable.
People who don’t think well of themselves usually don’t attempt very much, and if they don’t attempt very much they won’t accomplish much. So being able to identify who you truly are in different contexts will allow you to congruently take action, letting you be more productive and do things you enjoy more—rather than what you think you should do.
Are you comfortable with your true self? With all of your true selves? Are you letting yourself be who you truly are?
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Do You Have Winning Beliefs?
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Photo of Abby Wambach courtesy Pat Gunn via Wikipedia
In attempting to explain the amazing come-from-behind last-minute goal that allowed the U.S. womens soccer team (WNT) to beat Brazil, one of the announcers said, I know that the word belief gets overused, but this team just believed in themselves.
In interviews with team members, especially Abby Wambach, time and again I heard the phrase We just believed in ourselves.
If they had lost, they could have made a strong case that the referee took the game from them, for they did not spend time during the game protesting calls that had been made. They merely focused on winning.
The last goal that put the team into kick-off position was the result of a play that started deep in the WNTs defensive end and required several pinpoint passes. Every touch was important. Without those passes Abby would have never put her head on the ball and driven it deep into the net.
Brazil spent its last 5 minutes of the game faking injuries and attempting to not lose. One exception was Marta, a Brazilian player who clearly has some powerful beliefs of her own. As a team, however, Brazil clearly lacked the belief in itself that was necessary to win.
On some level the win did not surprise me, because I had bought into the belief that the U.S. Womens National Team would win.
What if you could create beliefs so powerful that you could sustain yourself, even when the referees (economy, politicians, saturated market, etc.) appear to be in opposition to you? What if, instead, you focused on winning or achieving?
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Facilitating Belief Breakthroughs for Increased Confidence and Competence
Posted by: | CommentsI am just back from Chicago where I conducted a two-day training in my Belief Breakthrough Method.™ This is an intensive, small-group experience that is experiential as well as didactic. It is deliberately limited to 10 or fewer participants so that everyone in the group has a chance to work on their own limiting beliefs.
During the program I break down the choices so that the process of effecting change can be understood and applied, and then I demonstrate a skill set and have members practice it. This allows multiple levels of learning, observation and direct experience. At the end of the two days, every member of the group had opportunities to do work, and many said they had experienced major breakthroughs—especially in the areas of feeling “deserving” and being willing to step up in a bigger fashion.
The other area we were able to focus on was health beliefs. Several health coaches participated in the training, so we were able to do some specific work in this realm. The role of beliefs in health and healing is immense. Health and nutrition coaches who cannot work effectively with beliefs essentially decrease their effectiveness.
It’s important to understand that working with beliefs is a complex process that involves several skills that are not always taught in training programs. When I have seen coaches learn these skills, I almost always see them increase their effectiveness. As a result they are often able to increase their value and thus increase the amount they are able to congruently charge, ultimately ending up with high confidence and high competence. Unfortunately, sometimes what I see is high confidence with low competence where they are missing part of the picture—or low confidence with high competence where they don’t step forward in powerful ways.
Do you have a way of evaluating where you fall on this scale of competence and confidence? When you increase either, it puts you on a path to increasing both your effectiveness and your income.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
How to Recognize Resistance and Stop It in Its Tracks
Posted by: | CommentsOne goal in coaching is to avoid bringing out or strengthening a client’s resistance. Ultimately, how you as a coach deal with your clients’ resistance determines success.
We as coaches sometimes take the easy way out with “difficult clients” by attributing resistance and lack of success to the client’s personality. However, consider that client resistance is mainly determined by the coach (although there will always be exceptions).
Research in behavioral science has confirmed that the extent to which clients “resist” is powerfully determined by the therapist’s style. This means that client resistance is a coach’s problem. And developing a style that minimizes resistance is important for your clients’ success as well as your own.
So what is resistance?
From my perspective, resistance appears as observable behavior that occurs during sessions. It can signal the coach that the client is not keeping up. The client is saying, “Wait a minute. I don’t agree. I’m not with you.” The task at this point is to double back, discover where the client is, and attend to that point.
To do this, you need to be able to recognize resistance when it is happening. Consider beginning to notice if your client engages in any of these 4 major categories of resistance as defined in Behavior Therapy by Chamberlain et al.:
- Arguing: Your client questions your expertise or integrity
- Interrupting: Your client interrupts you in a defensive manner by talking over you or cutting you off
- Denying: Your client expresses an unwillingness to recognize problems or minimizes them; disagrees with suggestions but offers no constructive alternatives, i.e., “Yes, but…”; blames others and does not accept responsibility; makes excuses for own behavior; or is reluctant or unwilling to take advice
- Ignoring: Your client shows evidence of not paying attention to you or ignoring you
Resistant responses are normal during initial coaching and not a reason for concern. It does become a problem, however, if resistant responses persist or escalate during a session or throughout the coaching process. It is largely your behavior as the coach that determines whether initial reluctance turns into a persistent pattern. It is how you respond to client resistance that makes the difference, and that distinguishes Belief Breakthrough Method™ work from other approaches.
So consider paying careful attention to these signs of resistance and take the time to slow down and catch up with your client. Begin by simply acknowledging the client’s disagreement, emotion, or perception so that further exploration—rather than defensiveness—occurs.
Next month I will cover more specific strategies for handling resistance.
P.S. Do you want to share this information? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW.
http://terryhickey.com/
Are You Ready to Leap to the Next Level?
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There are only 2 spots left to quickly break through money plateaus!
I wanted to let you know that our Belief Breakthrough Method Coaches Intensive Program in Chicago is nearly full.
I designed this small-group coaching program so youll learn why you and your clients get stuck and what to do about it fast.
Imagine gaining key information on the nature of limiting beliefs, masterful language skills, and behavior change techniques to help you break through the old patterns holding you back from your vision of success.
You can see from the list of things included in the program that it is designed to deliver a high level of accountability, coaching and support so youll gain clear strategies and techniques to understand you and your clients limiting money and success mindsets and beliefsand have the ability to change them.
There are a lot of benefits to this program, and by far the biggest outcome is that you will gain a step-by-step system to help you and your clients change faster and with greater ease, helping you create focus, advance confidence, leverage your talent, and increase your income.
Just in case youre thinking about waiting any longer,
keep in mind that the $1,497 investment offer
only lasts until Wednesday, June 15, at midnight.
Risk is better then regret.
Terry
P.S. Do you want to share this information? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Would You Like to Embody Confidence, Courage and Determination?
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This month’s audio download is about Gaining Powerful States. It takes listeners through a process that will allow them to easily access states of courage, confidence and determination.
This recording is the fifth in the Belief Breakthrough Series™ Download of the Month Club, twelve hypnotic recordings designed to accelerate business success, positive attitudes and habits, and vibrant health.
There is an NLP idea or presupposition that states, “We always do the best we can at the time—or made the best decision we could at the time we made it.” So when we are able to step into highly resourceful states, the decisions we make and the actions we take will be better and of higher quality—allowing us to achieve excellence.
After listening to this recording and learning how to effortlessly access powerful states of courage, confidence and determination, you will also be equipped to better access other states of excellence. This download is designed to maximize your ability to access these resource states, making it easier to achieve more of what is really important to you.
Are you ready to access powerful states of excellence?
For more information about this and similar recordings, check out my Belief Breakthrough Series™ Download of the Month Club.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
Would You Like to Get Better Information from Your Clients?
Posted by: | CommentsEveryone, no one, always, never… these are modal operators of necessity.
Using this universal language and these kinds of patterns can keep people stuck because, linguistically, they are removing opportunities to see exceptions or counter examples.
When you hear someone using such patterns, you want to challenge them. Be careful, though. The manner in which you phrase your questions depends upon your relationship with each person.
You’ll say the same thing in all cases, but your tone will be different for those you know well. For example, if you have a good relationship with someone and they say, “Everyone in my class ignores me,” or “My coworkers always think I’m wrong,” you can ask, “Everyone?” or “Always?” in an exaggerated tone. This will usually stop them in their tracks, and they’ll say something like, “Well, not everyone,” or “Not always.” Then you can probe for more specifics.
Again, using an incredulous tone requires that you have a good relationship. If you don’t know someone well, using this approach can sound patronizing or demeaning. For those with whom you aren’t as familiar, you can—instead—carefully repeat, “Everyone” and then gently ask, “Who, specifically?”
Such a discussion might continue like this…
Client: “All the students in the high school.”
Coach: All of the students? (Emphasize “All” for people you know well.)
Client: “Well, the ones in my classes.”
You’ll begin to move from a large picture without exceptions to specific examples you can work on.
When people hear themselves using these language patterns, they begin to realize how they’ve created their worldview. You can help them redo their map. Here’s another example.
Client: “No one appreciates me.”
Coach: “You mean out of all the people in the world, no one has appreciated what you’ve done?”
Client: “Well, my father never appreciated what I did.”
Coach: “Never?”
This exercise can be a rapid challenge to how people maintain their experience. After doing this a couple of times, I’ve had clients tell me that they can hear my voice when they use one of these words.
This is also a way to get more specific information when you’re talking to someone. It even works with corporate clients, as with this example.
“Customers always take advantage of us.”
With your prompting, this becomes… “Well, some customers take advantage of us when they return products.
Which then reveals… “Well, we’ve had a few problems with some of our products.”
Moving away from universal language and modal operators of necessity can help you narrow a problem down to the real issue. It can give you and the client a much better understanding of what’s going on.
P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? Please do. Just be sure that it remains intact and includes the following bio.
About Terry: Terry Hickey, M.S., is a Certified NLP Professional Coach, Business Trainer and Consultant, a Certified Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the co-owner of NLP Advantage Group. Originator of the Belief Breakthrough Method™, Terry specializes in teaching coaches and entrepreneurs how to rapidly resolve limiting beliefs about wealth and success. His tips and strategies can help you launch yourself into the future you want… NOW. http://terryhickey.com/
