Have you had to learn something the hard way recently?

Posted 7/5/17; written in early June

This is the first time I’ve been able to sit down and reflect on “what now”? I’ve been involved in helping with the health care of my father-in-law, Harry. Navigating all the systems involved has been an education. Like many painful educations, it was not freely chosen.

About six weeks ago Harry suffered a fall. He told us the next morning, and because of his age and fragility Beth thought it best to take him to the hospital. He is a vet, so he primarily uses that system, and they decided to admit him into the hospital to run tests to evaluate for injuries and to determine the cause of the fall.

Unfortunately, Harry got worse because of the hospitalization. He was kept in bed and hooked up to a fall warning device that emitted a shrill sound if he tried to get out of bed. Since the VA staff was managing a full unit, he did not get walked or exercised and lost weight as well as strength. Therefore, the discharge plan was to send him to a skilled nursing facility.

It was awful. Understaffed and overworked personnel were slow to respond, and he was put in a room with another patient who was agitated, loud and suffering from many issues, which affected Harry’s ability to rest. When Beth and I got home around midnight after his first day there, both of us knew we couldn’t keep him in that place.

In all fairness to this and similar facilities, they do the best they can with the limited resources they have. Many of these facilities cannot accomplish what they are or were designed to do. Most of their residents are in the last stages of life, and many of them no longer have family available to manage or help direct their care. They have become warehouses for the elderly, poor, and disabled. They are staffed by overworked, underpaid people who feel and experience the despair that permeates the milieu like a creeping gas attack designed to suck out joy and life from all who are in the environment.

Then there is the effect of all of this on family members and caretakers. How can you leave a loved one in such an environment? Often families have no other choice.

So how did we get here? The health debate has intruded into this event because even though we spend more money per capita on health care than any other country in the world, we are left with a system that seems to satisfy no one.

The good news is Harry is doing well now. He is in a facility that is smaller and more personalized, one where we are able to work with the staff. The bad news is that many people don’t fare as well, in part because they simply don’t have the options he does. If you’ve had to deal with a similar scenario in your family, you have my heartfelt empathy.